This is despite (my usual) common sense, despite well-meaning advice, despite a rational realization on my part that unrequited love is not sexy.
Example: A couple years ago I was involved, mostly emotionally, with a man I didn't even truly date (we just hung out a lot)....and then he moved on and moved on without me. It took me until the next New Year's Eve not to fight the rock in my stomach at the thought of him....and because we ran in a shared social circle, I saw him regularly. He did not encourage me, and I had no reason to carry a torch.
Yet, wow. During that time it was unreasonably difficult for me to be interested in other men. I had no excuse except my own inability to let it go. Wallowing in melancholy was so much more fun than trying to date, evidently.
The good news is: I indeed let the man go. It just took time.
So when I'm in these situations and mouth off to various friends patient enough to listen....a common advice refrain is:
"Karin....is this the only man in all of Boston?"Correct. It seems I somehow build up a mindset that whatever happening I had happening was the only happiness I would ever know....that that kiss against the tree in the Arboretum would be the only time a man would kiss me like that......that no other man will again remember how I like my coffee seasoned or help me with dishes or open my car door.
Meanwhile I live in a metro area of 4.4 million citizens, half of them male, who I am not trying to meet. Some of them must be single. Some of them must know how to kiss. Some must know how to kiss well, I'm also sure.
So the last 2 days I've spent about 2 hours on OKCupid. In that time I had a thoughtful message from a 54-year old erudite (writer, author, even radio personality!) from Brookline who enjoyed my "writing wit." A 10-minute Instant Messager (IM) chat with a 23-year-old Jamaica Plainer who wanted to know if I was interested in younger men. A longer one with an avid canoer (more my age, from the north Metro) taking a break from drywalling and, seriously it seems, wants me to meet him for dinner later tonight.
This in addition to about 10 IM attempts from men (alert: vanity approaching) who thought the picture of my legs in a skirt was "hot."
Indeed, there are at least a few more men in Boston then I've been paying attention to.
This is nice to know.
2 comments:
i hope you went to dinner, i hope you went to dinner...drywalling and a canoer? promises normalcy of some sort!!!
Oh, cousin j. I kind of wimped out. I had plans last night and didn't want to upend them.
But I told him I had some commitments, liked talking, and wanted to see him sometime. We'll see what he says. If it was only an of-the-moment scenario I'm probably screwed.
A good lesson to take those when they come!
(And incindentally, he looked normal also. And he was not 23 or 55. These men exist.)
Post a Comment