1) Marathon Mikey. A business-class teacher from Dedham who has run some 22 marathons, with whom I swapped running stories over e-mail in October. We had a few phone conversations without making a date. Soon after he wrote to apologize....but he had started dating someone and wished me well.
Fast-forward 7 months to my e-mail inbox, last Thursday:
MM: "Remember me? How about a reunion?"Here's me, taken aback:
K: "Curious to see you back here again. What gives?"
MM: "What gives? I don't know, just putting my energy back into the dating world. How about you? Honestly, I needed a break from dating so that's why I kinda vanished. Do you want to talk?"
K: Yes, I guess I am putting some energy back into it also. I had a winter involving a relationship that went south and took a lot of energy out of it.... Now I'm picking up my writing again, and am talking some about my dating in a blog....which has been an adventure. How have you been?
MM: "I have kinda had a similar experience with dating. However, I learn from each experience and become all that much better:)"
K: "So what, now, are you looking for?"
2) The Editor:
Perhaps the most polite gentleman alive. Recently relocated from New Jersey, edits reading curriculum textbooks. We made 2 dates in January---both Sunday nights at swanky Davio's for wine and pizza, both three-hour conversations on politics, family, our jobs. There was minimal spark, but it was agreeable talk. During the course of Date #2 the temperature outside dropped 30 degrees and I shivered as we prepared to leave. The Editor took off his lengthy multi-colored scarf and handed it over:
"My mother has made me a dozen of these. Use it. Keep it."The Editor's bad luck was timing. Those of you in the single world know: dating success comes in waves and droughts. I was under a tsunami.
The same day as Date #1, I had met Another Man in the flesh....who could not have been more different... with whom there was noticeable romantic spark. We e-mailed every day between my dates with The Editor. The same day as Date #2, I had spent the afternoon flirting over lunch and coffee with Another Man. I really wanted to date Another Man.
So after several unsuccessful attempts to get him in person, I broke things off with The Editor via e-mail. He responded, again, with utmost politeness. He rebuffed my offer to return his scarf.
As you will gather from this blog's primary quest, Another Man will go down in history as a short-lived romance, ended a number of months ago. And I bring this up because The Editor has been viewing my match.com profile this week, on several occasions.
I'm in MM's shoes, reversed, and sheepish that The Editor is again seeing me single after turning him down.
3) Meanwhile, in response to my recent argument w/MRothko35 over Instant Messager status, once-upon-a-time match.com girl herself -- A -- posted, in part, this comment, which has rightfully given me pause:
"i am stubborn and obstinate....so if someone told me that not liking to IM was a dealbreaker, that--the dealbreaker threat--would be MY dealbreaker. but you are right, maybe he was trying to be cheeky and cute and flirt with you into talking online. hell, maybe he's shy."Summary of Cynical Behavoir:
1) I was curt with a man who liked me enough to recontact me after 7 months.
2) I desperately want to avoid a man with whom I hit it off because I don't want to admit another relationship's failure.
3) I took the online flirting of IM man as lame, despite being tempted, and found his copious :-) :-) :-) :-) distracting.
Why the blatant cynicism? I'm offended by flirtation when my purpose being online is, I don't know, to flirt? I find this attitude troubling, my judgment of fellow daters harsh. It seemed right at the times. Today, on a sunny spring Friday, it seems uncalled for and self-defeating.
Perhaps I'll drop all three all notes of mea culpa?
To be continued....