I'm trying to remember....didn't I start this year with a sigh, also?
After the last couple days (and weeks, nay months?) trying to convince myself that this last year was more than just one big sigh ...
.... as I'm sitting here tonight as the last person (of the year? woo-hoo!) in my office, listening to the kids and perhaps already half-sober adults) down in Copley Square blowing vuvuzela horns audible from the 28th floor ...
....as my left lower molar throbs while waiting for the 800 mg of ibuprofen and amoxicillan to kick in and make me forget about it for another 8 hours since, hell, if you're going to get a toothache why not over a holiday weekend when your dentist is on vacation ....
.... as my voice is again lost to a fresh cold that caused a sea of coughing as well as near-zero sleep the last 2 nights, due to said coughing ...
.... as I think of the 3 parties I'm not attending tonight because of the tooth and the cough and the amoxicillan and near-zero sleep and my general lethargy, and that I've chosen instead to drive with a friend to Worcester for a 4th party instead, since I think all non-drinkers should be designated drivers on such a night ...
... as I contemplate that Sunday-night Man did write me back last night to say that he had phone problems and sent texts over Christmas that never arrived and that he was sorry, that he'd love to hang out as we have but doesn't want any more of a relationship than dinner and a make-out every 3 weeks, which seems a fitting end to a year when I seemingly met every man in Boston who has time to date but not time to Date For Real ....
I'm just trying to remember the good of it.
New girl friends and their new perspectives.
Eastern Europe with Balint.
The beaches of the Northeast.
Cousin J's good news.
Mom & Dad's 45th.
And, of course, a paying job that stayed a paying job, a home that I can still afford, a car that still runs, a city I can still admire, friends that cook dinners and buy drinks and water plants and give rides and teach lessons, and cats that still nuzzle my ankles whenever I come near.
Happy eve. Happy morn tomorrow. Happy good year to come.
Falling Into The Comparison Trap
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