Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The scene: 9:25 a.m. Thursday, jury room at Suffolk Superior Courthouse. Having arrived at the last possible moment before the court session began--having had to forego the morning coffee run due to tardiness--I reached into my backpack for my wallet to take into court with me, in order to more quickly facilitate a bolt to Starbucks at the 11 a.m. break.
No wallet. Which meant no money. Which meant no coffee until lunch.
Oy. 90 minutes of testimony, 20-minute break, 100 more minutes of testimony. Head pressure continually rising. Then a bolt for my bike and a 20-minute ride back to Southie, a caffeine headache asserting itself on every asphalt bump on Tremont and Herald Streets. Into the apartment, searching.
No wallet. Which meant no money.
The night before I had been traipsing the Back Bay, shopping, when the wallet was last seen. Which meant it was somewhere out in great expanse of Greater Boston. Which meant I required 3 quick Advil for both the aggravation and the headache, since I had to get back to court, and there would be no coffee until ....
... the possibility of infinity felt very real.
So I couldn't then have guessed that after court, when I started the wallet search in earnest, my savior would be the head cashier at Barnes & Noble booksellers, Prudential Center. I called there to identify myself ... and she in turn identified my wallet as one they were holding behind their counter. Left there by me the night before. Which someone had seen and turned in. Which the staff had tried to get back to me by paging me, unsuccessfully, because I had already left the premises.
This is easily the 15th time my wallet has gone missing in my 10 years in Boston. And this is the 10th time someone has found it and turned it back intact.
Thank you, people of Boston, whomever you are.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
The good news: so far I'm totally engrossed. As a blogger, consumed with self-reflection, it's a rare treat to have to think so hard and seriously about someone other than oneself. And I'll reveal nothing more, not wanting to be one of those people responsible for a mistrial.
The other news: today's lunch hour was unexpectedly 90 minutes long. And I failed to bring either reading material or my laptop, and had already downed the entire Tuesday Times while waiting for the morning session to start. No worries. It was a sunny, breezy day, so I picked up a fresh iced black-eye, headed onto the "brick desert" of City Hall Plaza, and laid back on a step to stare up at the clouds for an hour.
Me being me in my current me-ness ... idle thoughts turned to my dating life, currently in a solid neutral. Connections are there: occasional suggestive chat with one of the bare-chested OKC dudes (lucid but prone to writing in the wee hours just as I'm signing off). Occasional text from the CFO, checking in. Dating and physical-therapy advice swaps with Young Scientist. And a couple outings with a match.com concert-goer with whom I seem to be trending in a comfortable (albeit, friend-like) direction.
Which are all well and good. No grand passions but, then again, my past grand passions have all been eventual heartbreakers. Once in awhile it is nice to just chill. Maybe re-evaluate where I want any of these connections to go. Or if it is worth continuing to go with them.
Into this mix comes an OKC message today from a Man who gets no name or defining qualities, other than he does seem to know what he wants: me. To illustrate, the Man cut and pasted several of the OKC profile questions, plus my responses, then gave his own further replies in not uncreative fashion:
Question "I spend a lot of time thinking about"
I mean not at all to mock and hope I am not. It's all very sweet and anyone who utilizes "ciao bella" deserves a reply. I've just tried this exact approach several times with certain men's online profiles. Smitten with his picture/profile combo. Going down the checklist of his profile traits determining I fit 98 percent of them. Convinced if I respond point-by-point he will be convinced right back.
Which in hindsight hasn't worked, yet -- no such men have ever responded. Which I admit will most likely be my reaction to this Man here -- other than a thank you for the hello -- and not for any lack of effort or sweetness on his part. More because I checked out his profile, believe that the odds are slim we might be compatible, and am not willing to pursue.
It just serves to remind me the myriad of elusive qualities that have to fall into place for a romantic connection to even take one small step off the ground. Even profound, perceived compatibility sometimes isn't enough.
Monday, May 25, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Location: Office tower, 28th Floor.
Scene: Reception area of an office. Empty, except for a woman in blue spotted sundress and Asics tennies, pulling on her backpack and iPod, waiting for the elevator.
Cue Mood: 91 degrees outside but 62 degrees inside, where woman has been holed up in air conditioning for 9 hours. The vibe is impending freedom.
Cue Music: "Never Alone," unheralded gospel tune from the Fame movie soundtrack.
Cue Elevator Arrival: (Ding!)
Cue Action: Woman dances. Dances through the elevator's open doors. Dances while pushing the button for the ground floor. Throws arms wide. Spins. Pirouettes. Anticipates 28 glorious downward floors of dancing as the doors close.
Cue Elevator Stop: (Ding!)
Cue Action: Doors open to 27th floor. Man with briefcase and suitcoat steps on. Woman abruptly stops pirouette. Slides into back corner. Keeps tapping foot, beating hand on thigh. Pretends to not have been pirouetting to the Fame soundtrack in the elevator. Doors close. Elevator descends for 27 self-conscious downward floors of foot-tapping and thigh-beating.
Cue Elevator Arrival: (Ding!)
Scene: Lobby of office tower.
Cue Action: Door opens. Woman walks forward 5 steps out the elevator, damns the self-consciousness. Resumes dancing.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Starting Tuesday I'll be serving on the jury of a civil case in this fair jurisdiction. According to the judge who sat me, all I can tell you is, "I'll tell you more when it's over."
I've lived in Boston for a decade and today was my 4th jury pool ... and this was the first time I made it out of the pool, much less into a trial. So like the typical novice, I failed to give a convincing hardship excuse after finding out the trial would most likely last 2 full weeks. With no true conflict of interest, the best I could summon?
"But I have a plane ticket to my friend's wedding in Minnesota on the morning of Friday, June 5!"The judge just shook her head. Guess I'm changing my plane ticket to that evening.
Truthfully, I am not dismayed at the actual prospect of the trial. Although ask me in a couple weeks if the trial dismayed me. No plans to live-blog or distract myself with people-watching. Although who is to say what could happen regarding interaction with my fellow jurors? I'll have to wait and see how the scene unfolds and what can be shared or not.
Perhaps I should create a new label ...
... Can civic duty save my dating life?
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Oy. Seems if I wanted, a sure outing at every turn. If I wanted. None of the above is really something I'm wanting. But it's hard to look away.1) "Ever considered 20 more experienced fingers?" (Friday, via Instant Messenger, in reference to one of my profile comments in which I say I am grateful my hands are intact to do the things I love most ... like play the piano. The extra 10 fingers to which he referred, other than his own, are those of his girlfriend ... who evidently would have also been part of the proposal ... if you get the drift of the proposal ... )2) "Hi. Yeah, you've got gorgeous legs ... I work in S. Boston. I would be delighted to meet you for coffee or dinner sometime." (Friday, late, from the inbox.)3) "I'm gonna be in Boston this weekend ... Let's go out ... " (Friday, from IM, via NYC, from a guy I last exchanged messages with 3 months ago. Whose profile photo is his reclining bare chest and waistband of his briefs.)4) "you are extremely sexy. what are you up to?" (Received during work today, from IM, whose profile has no personal information but 2 photos of a man's bare chest. As if he and #3 got together to tag-team.)5) "hello there gorgeous lady, how are you today? i was wondering if I could ask you a kinky question. if not, its ok:)" (Later today, also from IM. Out of base curiosity I replied to ask what the question was. He came back with a reply so x-rated that my hair follicles blushed. Why I thought I'd get a gentleman's response is, probably, a good question.)
"Now, I must admit that I stayed up 10 min past my bedtime then to see what she was all about. As one might have predicted, she was an idiot "let's talk about cheese! Cheddar!" And I was like wtf and signed off."
YS: Remember the one with the cheese comment?K: !!!! So that was a real comment? I thought maybe you were paraphrasing.YS: just im'd me saying "fancy meeting you here, let's talk about cheese!!" yeah it's totally trueK: wtf? What does the cheese have to do with anything?YS: i just asked if cheese was a euphemism for something elseK: Good move.YS: she said "nope"K: Ha! Hysterical.YS: here she says "do you have any money? because sweet doesn't pay for dinner! .... i would like to go somewhere that serves cheese please ... swiss ..... cheddar .... mozzarella ... brie .... american ... macaroni and ... "
Saturday, May 16, 2009
The late great Senator from Minnesota?
This is not your father's Southie, that's for damn sure.
Incidentally, 50 feet up the block another car sported a "North Dakota" bumper sticker.
Friday, May 15, 2009
2) Be woken from said oversleep by a contractor ringing my doorbell.
3) Discover that car was towed for being in a street-cleaning zone (oh fair and finely-scrubbed Southie) to the tune of $111 and;
4) Because said car was not available, started walking to the bus only to realize that last night's run must have re-decimated my groin muscles strain because I cannot walk.
So at the moment I'm actually not really that interested in dissecting why I'm single.
(Unless, of course, insomnia and flakiness probably aren't helping either the status or the desire to dissect.)
However, I logged onto OKC a few moments ago and a discussion board doing just that was in full swing. A sample:
Age 25 Male Does anyone even care why we're single?
28M cause God hates me.
25M I'm single because I don't want to miss out on all the fun that can be had by not being stuck in a relationship.
37 Female I've come to the place in my life where I don't want to settle. I'm picky because I know exactly what I want. I don't mind meeting new people because that is the only way to know...but I know pretty quickly if they match my needs or not. I've already done the whole settling thing. Plus I'm told that I'm "intimidating" to approach - so it seems that I'm always the one to break the ice. I think it's also that I don't hold myself in the "normal" girly category maybe.
20F i'm single because im far too insecure. no one wants to deal with it.
25F My friends say I have an intimidating presence, which I kind of agree with. I'm also too shy to just go up to a guy and start talking to him or to ask him out.
20F Because I'm too trusting and emotionally involved with people I date, This makes me an easy target for users... Plus when the the other half stops making an effort (such as, stops being romantic, starts ignoring me more to do their own thing all the time ect ect...) I get insecure and needy which then probably drives them into breaking up with me, But tbh If they didn't want to keep this whole romantic you are so loved charade up, they shouldn't have done it in the first place.
25M Im single cause I just dont get out enough. Ive had one relationship in the last 10yrs and that was for only 3 weeks. I need to do something about that!
23F I'm picky.
23M I am single for a multitude of reasons. 1) I find philosophical discussion more stimulating than going to a bar and drinking, 2) I am an intense person, 3) I see the world of a unique perspective of a religion that's been dead since the time of Christ, 4) I am in a town full of people who are hidebound traditionalists, 5) I have an unmedicated, but controlled bi-polar disorder combined with a deep depression, and last but in no way least 6) I am a recovering alcoholic.
23M I come off as friendly but then unintentionally treat girls terrible. :/
20F I am shy and I probably don't get out enough. Also, I have some insecurities on how people view me and that adds to my shyness.
26M I am getting VERY turned on by all the girls saying how insecure they are.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
1) Stop smoking.Tonight -- while it was still light and before the downpour began -- I ran for the first time in 12 days. For 12 days I have either felt unable (sore muscles) or unwilling (no energy) to run.
2) Eat to fill the holes in the day.
3) Gain weight.
4) Crave nicotine.
5) Succumb to craving.
6) Bum a smoke and smoke it.
7) For 4 minutes, feel better.
8) Feel guilty.
9) Stop smoking.
1) Stopped running.Or I might not quit.
2) Ate cereal and crackers at midnight every night like I still had a marathon to get ready for.
3) Gained 5 pounds.
4) Wanted to run so badly I cried at least twice.
5) Felt more able and willing today, so
6) Decided on an easy 4 miles on the Esplanade.
7) Had to re-teach my legs the motion, my lungs the breathing. But for the 10 minutes (of 37) where no muscles protested ... I felt better.
8) Then when I finished, all my muscles did protest, and I felt worse.
9) So I might quit running again.
Actually, no. I won't quit. Sometimes a little pain as the result of an accomplishment of will is OK.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
For no real reason ... except, of course, if it's true that the contents of a woman's bag say something about her state of mind.
1 Poland Spring 1L plastic bottle, empty, on 7th use.
1 package Eclipse gum, unchewed.
1 piece of Eclipse gum, chewed, covered in crumpled foil.
3 Dunkin' Donuts straw wrappers.
1 sandwich bag of uncooked Quaker Old-Fashioned oats (which, incidentally, I couldn't manage to find at 8:30 this morning despite a diligent search, after which I then had to eat my yogurt, unhappily, plain).
5 swim passes to the Wang YMCA of Chinatown, pre-paid, unusued, issued 1/12/09.
1 pair Asics 2140s, including Tuesday's socks stuffed there-in.
1 folded printout from sportsinjuryclinic.net outlining strengthening exercises for groin strain.
1 CVS ibuprofen bottle, empty.
1 Contour Pak cold therapy gel pak (unfrozen, limp), 1 green TheraBand Exercise Band (knotted, also limp) 1 golf ball, 1 crumpled set of instructions for "The Stick" (a "toothbrush for muscles"), 1 "The Stick."
1 Miles for Miracles bound "Run Manual," also containing the following loose material: 1 special offer to rejoin WeightWatchers, 1 Healthworks Focus Training Schedule, 1 sketch of a left foot by the prescriber and constructor of my orthotic, 1 business card from said orthotic-maker.
1 pair yoga top and pants, used, inside out.
1 bra, brown, which I forgot to put back on after today's yoga class.
The New Yorker (May 4, 2009), folded in half, featuring on its cover, appropriately, a braless, airplaning, zaftig woman with curly hair.
1 Barnes & Noble Gift Card, $15, from my friend Lisa, issued (I'm guessing) for Christmas 2007.
RE: Mindless Miscellany
1 pencil, 1 yellow highlighter, 1 pen cap, 9 pens.
2 chapsticks, 1 lipstick.
3 dimes, loose.
1 book of checks, no cover, no ledger.
1 sunglasses case (thank God) with sunglasses inside.
1 AAA window sticker.
1 parking ticket, issued for blocking an auto-body detailer's driveway, unpaid.
1 envelope, unopened, from the City of Boston re: several other parking tickets, also unpaid.
Audacious Man said he wanted to be my friend on Facebook.
Yes. At the end of the e-mail in which he didn't think we should continue dating, he said he would welcome such an acquaintance should I so choose to request it from him. “With open arms,” to quote.
Just the thing a girl getting dumped wants to hear: “I'd like to stay in touch ... really.”
My first response to Audacious Man was bitter, asking him why he was dumping me. So he replied and clarified.
But evidently he did not clarify to my satisfaction. Because my second response was bitter and long and just as sarcastic as I felt compelled to be. I envisioned us never communicating again.
(No Facebook friending, no sir.)
I envisioned wrong. Audacious Man wrote again last Friday night – evidently not repelled by my repelling -- and clarified some more. Primarily, he was put-off by how I portrayed myself on this blog. How I made my dates into unflattering characters. How I seemed to want to preen and be admired by as many men as possible --- and that the need to share my dates with an audience signaled some underlying, unattractive insecurity.
Obviously, I was thrilled at this assessment. After 2 days of building up steam, I made my response: Bitter. Long. Sarcastic. Defensive. A Triple-sized Indignation Tour-de-force.
Now I really envision us never communicating again. He bared his brain, I bared my teeth.
Today, however, I admit to thinking about friending Audacious Man on Facebook.
Perhaps it with the regret that I once again substituted the hasty emotion of getting dumped for the long-term sensibility of it. We were 2 people who weren't going to exist on the same plane; he saw it first, and chose to end it. Which I should thank him for. A man who doesn't want to stomach living with a writer and her need to write would probably not make the writer a satisfying partner.
Perhaps I also realized I don't desire to make an enemy. I'm a Christian. It is a well-worn platitude that God brings a person into one's life for a purpose. No reason to de-friend Audacious Man before I've had a chance to figure out what his purpose might be.
I'm not saying I'm going to make a habit of friending ex-dates. And I might not friend this one.
But there seems no reason not to.
Monday, May 11, 2009
"Tonight there is a full moon, big and fat there, hanging in the sky. On full moons I always like to do backbends. Tonight we will do backbends!"
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Friday, May 8, 2009
Thank you, internationally renowned dating expert Lisa Steadman. You're telling me after all the online profiles and angst and insomnia and yoga and carefully-crafted e-mails in just the right combination of interest and hard-to-get that all it would have taken for me to get more than one Date #4 this year was a sensual spaghetti-strap top?
#1: The Third-Date Outfit. The first date's a formality. The second establishes mutual attraction. And the third date is all about turning up the heat. So whether it's those saucy black boots you splurged on at Bloomies, or that curve-hugging skirt, or even that sensual spaghetti-strap top, a single girl's gotta have something that makes her feel like a million bucks for that rare but fabulous third date.
The #1 reason, really?
(I am SO on this for next year) ....
Thursday, May 7, 2009
"Now," he added, wry grin. "It's almost going to be weird, the nights we don't sleep together!"
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
"Relax! I know how you work. Your ideas have to come of their own accord ..."
"I've got to write something. I've got to write something."
Monday, May 4, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
AM: "Week ahead is all full of catch up ... perhaps later in the week a drink is in order on Sunday? I have plans tonight, tomorrow night, Thursday, Friday and Saturday."
AM: "I have had a great time these past few dates but something says we aren't as compatible as we should be. I think you are amazing and beautiful but something says you have a little more to get out of your system before you are ready for the "one". Maybe after some more fun you'll be ready but for me, I need a different level of commitment to a relationship. I hope you understand. I think you need to rock the Boston summer and enjoy the courting as much as one can."
Friday, May 1, 2009
looks like a long month.