Audacious Man said he wanted to be my friend on Facebook.
Yes. At the end of the e-mail in which he didn't think we should continue dating, he said he would welcome such an acquaintance should I so choose to request it from him. “With open arms,” to quote.
Just the thing a girl getting dumped wants to hear: “I'd like to stay in touch ... really.”
My first response to Audacious Man was bitter, asking him why he was dumping me. So he replied and clarified.
But evidently he did not clarify to my satisfaction. Because my second response was bitter and long and just as sarcastic as I felt compelled to be. I envisioned us never communicating again.
(No Facebook friending, no sir.)
I envisioned wrong. Audacious Man wrote again last Friday night – evidently not repelled by my repelling -- and clarified some more. Primarily, he was put-off by how I portrayed myself on this blog. How I made my dates into unflattering characters. How I seemed to want to preen and be admired by as many men as possible --- and that the need to share my dates with an audience signaled some underlying, unattractive insecurity.
Obviously, I was thrilled at this assessment. After 2 days of building up steam, I made my response: Bitter. Long. Sarcastic. Defensive. A Triple-sized Indignation Tour-de-force.
Now I really envision us never communicating again. He bared his brain, I bared my teeth.
Today, however, I admit to thinking about friending Audacious Man on Facebook.
Perhaps it with the regret that I once again substituted the hasty emotion of getting dumped for the long-term sensibility of it. We were 2 people who weren't going to exist on the same plane; he saw it first, and chose to end it. Which I should thank him for. A man who doesn't want to stomach living with a writer and her need to write would probably not make the writer a satisfying partner.
Perhaps I also realized I don't desire to make an enemy. I'm a Christian. It is a well-worn platitude that God brings a person into one's life for a purpose. No reason to de-friend Audacious Man before I've had a chance to figure out what his purpose might be.
I'm not saying I'm going to make a habit of friending ex-dates. And I might not friend this one.
But there seems no reason not to.
4 comments:
Hey Karin: he's just a man. Wish him well, stay friends, but behind his back, curse him out in the language of Mordor, like Gandolf. We men are simply overgrown twelve-year-olds looking for a maternal surrogate. Don't sweat it. (What am I doing answering this at 1:20 a.m., anyway? Talk about overgrown pre-teen.)
I think you should now friend him and super-poke him. Or throw a cow at him. Or invite him to as many stupid facebook clubs you can possibly find. That would be funny.
One of the reasons I read your blog is for validation of the craziness of dating in Boston. Audacious Man thinks the descriptions are unflattering of your dates? Well, my single friends (male and female) can attest that there's a fair amount of socially inept behavior going on, from both men and women. Plus, it takes a lot of dates to find someone worth getting to know better, and that has nothing to do with preening.
@RBR Yes, I think one reason I was a bit perturbed at the criticism was that I don't think I ever made AM himself out to be an unflattering character.
A specific comment: he did not like the actual names. Although when writing him back I did suggest that I thought his was, and still was, apropos.
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