I know it was 70 degrees in Boston today....

.... but it was 85 on Bonita Beach, FL.

And while this photo's subject decidedly lacks a uniform tan and contains a noticeable bloop at the beltline and a hairdo that most definitely emerged unwashed from under a baseball cap moments before, let's admit that's a pretty blue sky and leave it at that.

Southward, ho....

.... and I'll cop to, after the ridiculousness of our mild winter thusfar, actually being quite excited at the biting chill in the Boston air these last 3 days, if only to make a long weekend in Bonita Springs, FL with my aunt and uncle more contrastably enjoyable.  Packing tanks and shorts last night while shivering in a scarf and sweater, it sweetened the thoughts of sun and humidity warming bare shoulders and legs, of leisurely breakfasts on the lanai, of novels consumed poolside.  Sunglasses necessary.

A couple weeks ago, I promised a bikini photo for y'all on Monday.  While it's been a trying couple of weeks since then and I can't guarantee the jelly belly doesn't still exist, I will make good.

Until then, stay warm!

Bikini Challenge: (And,) it's back!

At least temporarily.....

By Wednesday I will have amassed 94 running miles in February, but likewise spent most of the month not doing the yoga, planks and crunches that I did in January.  And much of February eating all of the chocolate and cinnamon sugar treats that I held off eating in January.  And did, and am still doing, the reliable start-of-marathon-training fall-back of eating double portions of everything. 

I got a jelly belly, folks which I'm not sharing in a "before" photo.  And I have plane tickets for Fort Myers FL in 17 days.  And due to past bikini challenges, I no longer own a one-piece bathing suit. 

(Surely, even though the beach and pool in my aunt and uncle's retirement complex is not the Girls Gone Wild scene .... life in a a bikini is oh-so-much-more happier without a muffintop.)

The good news is:  I already gave up chocolate for Lent, so I have a headstart.

More good news:  I will be in Florida for 3 full beach days.  So said tummy can find a few rays prior to being viewed on the interwebs.

Even better good news:  I know from past marathon experience that once I get into the swing of the trianing, my desire to eat the entire contents of my refrigerator abates somewhat. As in, the worst may be behind me.

The best good news:  It is always good to have an excuse to stay in shape. 

The upshot:  Photo here.  Of me.  In bikini.  On Monday, March 19.  How I get there will be my top-secret belly-blasting plan!

Woo-hoo!

Keyword: Bikini

While I don't get any real jollies (or monetary recompense) for why or how or how many times my blog gets pinged, I was amused today, when perusing stat-checker totals, to see that a Canadian reader found this blog with the search term: Bikini Bones Woman (while acknowledging it ain't the first time the Bikini Challenges of yore have drawn clicks), so I entered the phrase into http://www.google.com/ and, through the first 20 pages of the 5,590,000 results (as of this writing), this blog doesn't yet come up, so I searched the same under http://www.google.ca/ and out of those 5,580,000 results (as of this writing), the same, which begs the question,  what exactly was this guy looking for and how long did he have to scroll through medical links about female pubic bone disorders and photos of swimsuit-clad women bearing skull-and-crossbone flags before he got to me?

Bikini Challenge (D-Day)

3/22/09, 6:49 p.m. Bonita Beach, Florida

Happy birthday to me.

Bikini photo credit: Bill Young. Wine credit: (Pat)2. Sunset credit: God.

Bikini Challenge (Week X: The Countdown)

D-Day in 5, 4, 3, 2....

Trying to stay cool and motivated here.

Cellulite, Cheerios (Honey Nut), canoli, cheese (30 chunks or more) at a charity fundraiser, coffee (shot with espresso both morning and night) and Cupid (or frustrating news therefrom preventing good sleep) are all conspiring against both cool and confidence.

I'm tempted to go into a no-carb South Beach Diet frenzy followed by not 100 but 200 sit-ups a day. But not likely to happen. The willpower is waning.

Sorry for the tripping stumble to the finish, rather than the sprint. Anyone got any last-minute motivations when the prospect of my exposing my bare torso to the blogosphere is not doing it?

Yesterday I got a call from my Aunt Pat, my host in the Fort Myers area, who reminded me that Sunday is the Twins training camp visit followed by a beach afternoon.....so there is no excuse for not wearing the suit.

Sports fans, this is for real.

Be kind.

Bikini Challenge (Week IX: Damn Cereal)

Confession: I did a dry run with the bikini earlier this week. In my bathroom. Standing on the toilet, to get the full story in the sink mirror. Adjusting, adjusting, adjusting the bottoms.

(I figured I should get to know what I really have to work on these last 10 days, eh?)

The good news: abs aren't a 6-pack, but the stomach is hanging in there. Actually, it's not hanging that much at all. Woo-hoo!

The bad news: when you're angling to look good in a bikini, with all the focus on the stomach, you forget that extra hip flesh is going to be the culprit.

(See: adjusting, adjusting, adjusting those bottoms. New Week IX Buzzphrase: side leg raises.)

The bad news (2): pasty, pasty, pasty skin. Very pasty.

(I wonder if self-tanning lotion is something that I can pay for with my flex-spending benefits card from work?)

The bad news (3): the return of the cereal addiction. 2/3 box of GoLean! Sunday night, 1/2 box Kashi Heart to Heart last night. T

That's 11 servings of (albeit healthy and fiber-laden) carbohydrates shooting straight to the aforementioned hips.

I chronicled this development on my Facebook status yesterday, and bless the heart of my former writing instructor who then commented:

"carb away. you're a running fool."

Still struggling with the great dichotomy of marathon training: burning calories like a fool....and consequently eating like a fool and putting them all back.

(But, I should say, despite the constant Kashi infusion.....the burning may be winning.)

Bring on March 22!

Bikini Challenge (Week VIII: WTF?)

I'll confess. Tonight I'm biding time, waiting for the Tylenol PM to kick in. I've got head issues, stuffed nose issues, back issues, cinnamon sugar issues....sleep would cure these things.

But if I wait any longer to post a bikini update, y'all will think I'm hiding something.

Not true. Just forgetful.

Though true....I have been running like a horse these days. I have also been eating and drinking like I bed down in the same stable as the horse who is running. Here lie the most memorable moments of my Week 7 diet:

Monday: supper = one spoonful of peanut butter.

Tuesday: completely unmemorable.

Wednesday: 9 p.m. heat-lamp pizza from the Framingham State College cafeteria, washed down with Gummy Peach Rings from the pick-a-mix bin.

Thursday night menu-on-the-town: Guinness, Blue Point oysters, Trimbach Gewurztraminer, PBR, PBR, PBR, PBR, karoake, popcorn.

Friday: Muffin for breakfast, donut for snack, oatmeal for lunch, pasta and clams and cream sauce for dinner, canoli for dessert.

Saturday: Several passes through the Italian buffet (penne in red sauce, rare roast beef and provolone on a bun, potato salad) at a party that also featured birthday cake with inch-thick frosting.

Oy.

Nonetheless, I'm not hiding out. I've lost 3 pounds in the last 3 weeks. Pants all still fit. Yoga is on the schedule tomorrow. And I know it's just 3 weeks to belly baring. Which means it is time to commence Operation Ripple:

: 100 sit-ups per day.

: 6 planks per day.

: 30 minutes of cardiovascular per day, minimum.

: vegetables by the dozens.

: moratorium on cinnamon sugar.

: sleep. and then maybe some more sleep.

See ya in Week 9, suckahs......!

4 days, 4 nights

The best of President's Day Weekend in San Fran....

.....a Top 10 List in No Particular Order

(except for #1. which really is #1.)

10) It is obviously cool to view the biopic of the Mayor of Castro Street at The Castro Theatre on Castro Street.

The film earned all its Oscar nominations, too.

9) It is obviously cool to buy a Dave Eggers' hardcover for very cheap at a bookstore 1 block over from his pirate shop.

8) This is the number, roughly, of $3 Shiner Bock pints drank at the 500 Club.

Yum.

7) This, roughly, is the number of glasses of red wine drank at my cousins' apartment.

Yum, again. (See #6.)

6) Here was our Saturday night feast, per person, in this order:

1 glass syrah, 1 fresh mozzarella and cherry tomato sandwich, 1 baked spinach ball, 1 glass syrah, 2 fried risotto balls, several mega asparagus (steamed), 1 glass California red blend, 1 scoop cream-based carbonara, 1 inch-thick pork chop baked in homemade pesto, 1 glass cabernet sauvignon, 1/8th of chocolate cream pie (homemade), 1 round of sot-brained laughter at the Flight of the Conchords new episode, 1 ridiculously sound night's sleep.

5) My amount of guilt over zero-level participation in Week VI of the Bikini Challenge:

Zero.

(And no. No sit-ups were harmed/executed in this diet meltdown.)

4) Even on second viewing (and while on some level it works because the owners wear tie-dye), still can't quite fathom that Ben & Jerry's is the corner store at Haight & Ashbury.

3) Running 15 miles on a Saturday morning in SF is just like running 15 miles on a Saturday morning in Boston.

Except the hills are steeper. The ocean faces a different way. Nylon shorts were possible. And the palm trees! (yes!)

2) This is the number of Pacific Ocean views.

First, on a fogless afternoon from the height of Twin Peaks, with D & Kh, the distance painting the scene with calm.

Second, on a fogless morning, alone, running south on the Great Highway, waves higher than the cars on the road.

(Thank you, fogless weekend.)

1) This is the number of times Gustav Holst's "Jupiter" came on the plane's radio on the flight home. Appropriately, at 34,000 feet above Wisconsin with the sky black in the east and pink in the west and thick clouds seemingly steps below. That middle section....where it feels as if you, the listener, should be floating in orbit, too.....celestial bodies all around....

Do it again, God! I'll take those perfect 2 minutes, whenever, again, you want to provide them.

(Random addendum: This is blog post #216. It was posted on 2/16. Someone give me a high-5!)

The Bikini Challenge (Week V: Progress)

The ugly: Friday night, after the ballet and a healthy dinner at Rustic Kitchen....almost made it home, but was seduced by Runts candy (2 bags worth) at Store 24, 2 blocks out.

Oy.

The bad: Marathon training = massive carbohydrate craving. Massive carbohydrates = extra flesh.

I know what healthy carbs are. Those just aren't the ones I crave....like Snyder's Honey Mustard Pretzel Bits. In large quantities.

The good: 25 miles of running a week is starting to show teeth. Favorite jeans, yesterday, had a modicum of breathing room. No lie.

The good (b): One pair of unforgiving silk trousers (Banana Republic, size 4, bought during a rare period during last winter's race training when my ribs were visible) fastened without extra effort this morning.

The numbers: Tonight a 5-mile run, then vinyasa yoga. Tomorrow a 6-mile run, with speedwork.

The next 3 days will be a barnstorm of activity....to preemptively counter a 4-day trip to San Francisco on Thursday involving a 6-hour plane ride full of airport temptations (See: The Ugly) and a cousin who likes to both drink beer and cook rich meats.

Should probably take the bikini along in my carry-on bag, eh?

The Bikini Challenge (Week IV: Sucking in)

Not much to report this week, breathless bikini watchers. Not much to report last week, either, as you notice the gap between Week II to Week IV.

Just trying to keep up the running (27 miles since Monday, 14 on sheer ice), the core strengthening (yoga and yoga and crunches galore), protein consumption (here's to daily quinoa intake) and good sleeping habits (not at all).

A new tactic came to me Friday while studying my figure in the elevator door at work: Might I tone the abs by tensing my core muscles non-stop, much like one must in yoga, while going about everyday life? After 2 days of trying I'm not sure if it actually helps or my pants and skirts fit better simply because of the new fake space in the waistband.

Speaking of small monthly goals, I'm proud to have survived the January Chocolate Moratorium. Not a bite......with the exception of an inadvertant Power Bar snafu on the 24th, when it did not explicitly say "chocolate" on the wrapper. Amazingly, the best cure for cocoa cravings has been to inhale several cans of Fresca a day. Which has tripled my aspartame consumption. Yum.

Nonetheless, nice to know a monthly goal is reachable. So I might just proclaim February the "28 days of 24-Hour Sucking-In Challenge." Just might.

The Bikini Challenge (Week II: Reinforcement!)

It's a good thing this package from Victoria's Secret awaited my return from Washington D.C. this evening.

In the past 5 days I spent 18 hours in my car accompanied by National Public Radio's full line-up....plus a pounder bag of Necco Conversation Hearts, Mountain Dew, trail mix both with honey roasted peanuts and without, and dried fruit with extra-added sugar. For starters. (Distance driving is one of my great eating hazards....which is why I only do it a couple times a year.)

Despite this--and despite the 12 glasses of red wine and the shot of Hot Damn otherwise consumed while "Inaugurating"--the weekend was not without hope. (How could it not be?!) I figure Cousin J and I burned a minimum of 1200 calories walking faster than anyone else in search of our security gate just prior to the swearing-in Tuesday morning. And burned 1000 more shaking booty on the dance floor Tuesday night. And otherwise managed 1 run, four 5-mile bike rides to and from the Capitol, 100-plus ab exercises, and at least 384 calf raises (while trying to maintain a view of the Mall Jumbotrons).

I'm grateful just to have stayed at par on such a week. In the meantime, the suit is hung and ready for daily viewing.

The Bikini Challenge (Week I: The Suit)

The Suit: At left. Ordered online today from Victoria's Secret. (I'm not shirking to delay having it on the premises....but you just cannot buy a bikini in Boston in January.)

So my torso is about 1/3 the length of this model's. So is my hair. And she's about 1/3 my age. When it comes time to take the photo of me, don't judge.

I will, however, work on my sassy head tilt hip thrust thingy....

The Sit-ups: 515+ abdominal exercises over 6 days....it can be, and was, done this week. The joke about adding 100 crunches a day turned out to be not as difficult as first thought. I'll shoot for 600 by next Sunday.

Also benefitting from a sadistic yoga teacher who is in love with Full Boat Pose. And a visiting coach during marathon team training who, prior to sending us on a 10-mile run, said in a tone that wasn't to be messed with: "Get into Plank Pose and hold for 2 minutes." OK. Ouch.

The Sugar: The good news--not even the scent of anything chocolate has gone down since the moratorium began January 1. The bad--had a craving so acute Saturday night that I invaded my cinnamon sugar stash with a teaspoon.

Diet is going to be the Achilles' heel. I like beer. I like wine. I like Sweet Tarts. I like to eat late at night....preferably spoonfuls of peanut butter from the jar. My willpower against these habits is notoriously unsteady.

So this week: need to brainstorm strategies to give my willpower improved core strength. (Ha.)

The Shoot: March 22. My 36th birthday. Why not a milestone for a milestone?

We're at T-minus 69 days. (And 6900 sit-ups.) Game on!

Deep Thought: Be like Tina

At 9:30 p.m. Thursday I was doing what every good girl should be doing at 9:30 p.m. on a Thursday: pounding the elliptical machine at the gym.

(Bikini Challenge, folks. Seriously. I'm on it.)

Anyway, NBC's comedy 30 Rock was playing on the elliptical's attached television. Love this show, written by and starring current everywhere woman Tina Fey: her character is 30-something, writerly, and neurotic....with great legs. Last night she hooked up with a United Nations operative (Peter Dinklage).....whom she meets on a street corner when she approaches and ruffles his hair, maternally, thinking he's a child.

He could be offended. He's not. He responds thusly: (and approximately....hey, I was ellipticalling pretty hard...)

"Should we get a cup of coffee? Aggressive women with a touch of nerdiness are a complete turn-on."

And off they go for coffee.

Hmmmm.... who else do I know that is 30-something, writerly, neurotic, (by some standard) nerdy, and (by some standard) has great legs?

You got it. Time to get aggressive.

The Bikini Challenge (Starting Line)

I've never hidden the fact that this blog serves a selfish function: to keep me accountable to someone besides God and myself in my desire to achieve certain goals. You may remember past quests on match.com. Or Craiglist. Or Weight Watchers and 35 days to a better everything.

So in the biggest cliché known to all, I now announce my official new year's publicity stunt: (drum roll, please)

The Bikini Challenge.

It came to me about 8:20 a.m. Saturday, while on mile 5 of an 8-mile Charles River run.

You should try it....running, that is.....during the waking moments of a January morning....when the sky is clear and the river is quiet.....and you hear only breathing and footfall. Everything seems possible.....washboard abs, among them. I want to be hard-body in a two-piece swimsuit by the time I visit my aunt and uncle in Florida, in March. (Granted, the crowd on the SW coast by Fort Myers is decidedly retiree.... nonetheless, a beach is a beach and it will be my first beach of the season.)

No other parameters, like losing a certain number of pounds. I just need to look good.....a subjective goal, if ever there were.

So exercise, the easy part. Training for a marathon. I have to run 20-40 miles a week for the next 3 months. And lift weights. And go to yoga. Or I die on April 20. So all I need to do is add 100 abdominal exercises a day. Woo-hoo!

So eating, also easy. After 3 months of inhaling several bags of Reeses Pieces per day, I declare official sugar-shock. Time for a break...and a January chocolate moratorium. That alone should remove several inches from my waist.

So all that is left is to set the goal date (booking my plane tix) and find the desired two-piecer. After which I will hang it in my bedroom on a hanger to walk by on my way to the shower, just like the girl in the Yoplait commercials. I will post a weekly update here on Sunday nights with the ins (and hopefully less frequent, particularly stomach and hip flesh) outs.

There will be no "before" picture. This is not The Biggest Loser. But you stick around to the bitter end........................

............I promise a picture of me in a family-friendly pose, wearing the suit. I promise.

However, play fair. Those of you with no desire to see me, in public, in a bikini, simply de-tune from the blog at the appointed hour. Do not feed me alcohol, caramel rolls, cheese or cotton candy while attempting to derail.

As always, stay tuned... and I will post the suit, hanging in bedroom, soon. And it will not have yellow polka dots, thank you very much.