....or at least I hope it will be soon.
The Christmas letter I'm promising myself I'll get together this year and send the old-fashioned way.
Like I have every year for the last 17. Except for last year. When I somehow thought I'd exempted myself. Because having a personal blog and a Facebook account seemed like a lot of personal sharing already. Because after several unproductive Decembers in a row, I acknowledged I might be losing my ability (maybe my willingness?) to tie up loose ends from both a logistical and emotional perspective.
(This worried many folks who are used to hearing from me in postal-service fashion at the holidays. This worries me, generally.)
This year I have again begun to feel the same. That familiar unproductive December dread creeping in. Felt it last night at the company holiday party, being reminded I do OK in my achievements while still looking at all my colleagues and thinking how much more they achieved (and, perhaps, earned). Knowing I've created my own worry by not having the family presents ready to mail to Minnesota until the USPS's arrive-by-Christmas deadline date....and that Sunday and Monday will contain an expected Nor'easter. Admitting I have bought iced coffee from Dunkin' Donuts nearly every day in the last 17, which would mean having to admit The Year of Making Coffee was indeed not one of my 2010 accomplishments.
Yet, I'm fighting the dread. So far it's been pushed back. As of December 17, the project is still in process. Last week I recruited Claudia over to my workplace to help with the photo-shoot component .... in which I would stand outside the Hancock and pretend to be Mary Tyler Moore throwing my hat up in ecstasy.
Throwing a hat in the air and catching it is quite a bit harder than Mary makes it look. Especially in a wind tunnel. It is even harder to capture it in a photo.
Although I'm coming to appreciate this shot (one of many Claudia made, my favorite) more for the way it actually illustrates my current state: hurrying, disorganized, dropping, underdressed, high-heeled, balancing, recouping, trying to smile because if I don't in this season, I'm going to start worrying folks, and also because I know I need to laugh at my personal chaos so I don't start worrying myself.