Thursday, July 15, 2010

Short Story of the Long Life of the Almost-Date

Man (M) views Woman's (W) profile.
W views back, interested.
M views W's profile several times.
M sends W a greeting.
W responds to M's greeting, favorably.

Time passes.
W moves on.
W assumes M has moved on.)

M views W's profile several more times.
W views back, curious.
Random night in June, M sends W an IM, says
"I often see you online when I'm online ...
...I feel an unrequited camaraderie with you.

M and W chat for an hour, pleasantly.
(M reveals, among other things, that he reads W's blog.)
W likes the tone of the chat, likes the commonalities.
(Age, location, running, music-loving, quirky, well-read.)
At the end of the hour, M and W mutually decide to meet.
He is leaving for a week's vacation, however. 
She is then leaving for two.
They will do so after, of course.

(Three weeks pass.)

W returns from vacation, writes M to set date.

(Five days pass.)

M writes W, briefly, says
"Sorry, I don't think I want to meet after all," and
"Good luck."

W is disappointed, but not too much so.
(They had never met; there was nothing to mourn.)
W accepts the right of M to change his mind or
Perhaps have found someone else.
(W, herself, has another interest.)

W at first thinks,
"That was kind of M to write at all."
But then she thinks about 
The dozen times M viewed her profile.
That M reads her blog.
That M wrote her first,
Talked to her for an hour,
After which he wanted to meet her.
Until he didn't.

(The vacation kiss-of-dating-death strikes again.)

W doesn't know what would have changed that.
Which doesn't matter, really.
W already figured M's loss of interest

Because he hadn't responded.

But something about M waiting 5 days
Just to say "no thanks,"
Stung W more than expected.
(Why the wait?
Why, then, the sting?)

Leaving W to think, yet again,
After expending effort and emotion

On an M
To zero effect, yet again,

"What the F***?"

For future efforts and emotions,
At what point in the long life of an almost date

Should she wish it had been
Better never than late?

And finally,
What is it with this fallacy
That women are considered the more confusing sex?


Heathen said...

That is very annoying. Men are way more confusing than women!

However, it's a good lesson to remember: It might seem like you're being thoughtful by writing an "I'm not interested" email, but actually it's often better to just let your silence speak for itself.

Anonymous said...

It sounded like he was very non committal even in the beginning though. What I came out of reading your post was this... he was curious, and intrigued but intimidated. I think that your being sooo open about your blog is a detriment at times. While I inform them that I write an anonymous dating blog, I do NOT provide them anyway to read it. My blog doesn't state location, wasn't registered in my name, etc. I don't want it to bite anyone in the ass later.

With that said, everything I say in the blog is exactly what I have, or would have, said to any of these men. With how veiled mine is, I still have had one person, the date known as Brooklyn, who was insecure about the blog and what I said about him. I later came to learn that he was just a neurotic who was far more damaged than he wanted to admit.

Good luck lady... keep up the good fight!

Heathen said...

Hmm. This brings up an interesting disclosure problem... I personally don't disclose, but I think I would if things got serious with anyone. My sister and a few friends have an anonymous dating blog, and two boyfriends found it, both times when posts about them (the boyfriends) were the most recent post. One boyfriend had a negative reaction, feeling he had been lied to by omission; the other -- who had been informed of the blog's existence -- did not. Honesty is probably the best policy, but at the same time, you probably don't want them actually reading the blog! Or at least I don't. I imagine that many men would be quite intimidated even by the knowledge of its existence.