(Please note: I really don't like rolling my eyes. It makes me sad.)
Even this one which, with no irony, came while I actually was in Europe for a vacation. Poor man .... I read it aloud, in full exasperated tone, for Balint to hear:
"i found your profile brilliant and smart and usually i'm not a discount compliments seller. Anyway i live in italy so i'm definitely out of your range with the only exception once you'll be in europe for a vacation. But maybe one of the metaphisical reason the net exists is the possibility to connect with interesting persons even farther than your hausegarden. Hope to read about you. please forgive my english and i'll forgive your risotto."Man, you are in ITALY. I'll forgive your English if you would just move to Boston.
And I felt downright mean feeling so ill-disposed towards this man who wrote last night. But I am so not a fan of the meek and conciliatory pick-up.
Subject: oops "I just wanted to say hello. I like your profile pic, and your info too. I'm new to this and need to finish my profile. My mind wanders and i start browsing."Oops?
I hadn't yet had time to roll my eyes, or even decide if I was going to. Because about 1 this afternoon, this message, same man:
Subject: dinner? "Care to meet up for dinner or coffee? I'm bored and want to pamper myself. Dont want to go out alone, or with friends. Would love to meet some one new. Any fave restaurants?"I had just logged to OKC to look at this suitor's profile, when he then decided to respond the edict in my profile of "You should message me if ... You have yet to convince yourself that the coolest thing ever would be to tell me ad nauseum about your genitalia."
(Y'all know my history with this.)
Subject: Not convinced yet "I have not yet convinced myself of the utter coolness of disclosing the intimate details of my pestle to your mortise, to your ears or eyes."Um....
Well, at least he lives in Somerville.
I just looked at his profile. In one of his pictures, he is dressed up next to his nephew on Halloween. The nephew is a 3-ish-year-old firefighter with sooty face and hose; my suitor is dressed as an enormous red, yellow & purple flame, pretending to be put out. It's adorable.
So what with the pestle and mortise line? If I write him back I would have to both forgive his English and restrain myself from thinking poorly of him -- over there in Somerville, trying too hard to impress me -- based on his lack of patience.
Ugh. I just feel sad.