Sunday, July 11, 2010

Fabulous Patience (please find some)

I am so the been-there done-that girl on OKCupid these days. Even the most flattering of come-ons makes me roll my eyes.

(Please note:  I really don't like rolling my eyes.  It makes me sad.)

Even this one which, with no irony, came while I actually was in Europe for a vacation. Poor man .... I read it aloud, in full exasperated tone, for Balint to hear:
"i found your profile brilliant and smart and usually i'm not a discount compliments seller.  Anyway i live in italy so i'm definitely out of your range with the only exception once you'll be in europe for a vacation. But maybe one of the metaphisical reason the net exists is the possibility to connect with interesting persons even farther than your hausegarden.  Hope to read about you.  please forgive my english and i'll forgive your risotto."
Man, you are in ITALY.  I'll forgive your English if you would just move to Boston.

And I felt downright mean feeling so ill-disposed towards this man who wrote last night.  But I am so not a fan of the meek and conciliatory pick-up.
Subject:  oops   "I just wanted to say hello. I like your profile pic, and your info too. I'm new to this and need to finish my profile. My mind wanders and i start browsing."

I hadn't yet had time to roll my eyes, or even decide if I was going to. Because about 1 this afternoon, this message, same man:
Subject: dinner?  "Care to meet up for dinner or coffee? I'm bored and want to pamper myself. Dont want to go out alone, or with friends. Would love to meet some one new. Any fave restaurants?"
I had just logged to OKC to look at this suitor's profile, when he then decided to respond the edict in my profile of "You should message me if ... You have yet to convince yourself that the coolest thing ever would be to tell me ad nauseum about your genitalia."

(Y'all know my history with this.)

His take:
Subject:  Not convinced yet  "I have not yet convinced myself of the utter coolness of disclosing the intimate details of my pestle to your mortise, to your ears or eyes."

Well, at least he lives in Somerville.

I just looked at his profile.  In one of his pictures, he is dressed up next to his nephew on Halloween.  The nephew is a 3-ish-year-old firefighter with sooty face and hose; my suitor is dressed as an enormous red, yellow & purple flame, pretending to be put out.  It's adorable.

So what with the pestle and mortise line?  If I write him back I would have to both forgive his English   and restrain myself from thinking poorly of him -- over there in Somerville, trying too hard to impress me -- based on his lack of patience.

Ugh.  I just feel sad.


Heathen said...

UGH. 3 emails with no replies? This guy needs to learn to think before he hits "send". The pestle and mortise comment is truly cringe-worthy.

Time to join Match, perhaps?

jaded said...

UGH indeed. i just reactivated my OKcupid account this week after about 8 months of inactivity.

*please* have another one of those "let's vent about the crazy guys on OKcupid" gatherings soon. i'm IN!


Heathen said...

Another idea: A blog consisting only of crazy messages people have received on OKC? I've saved all the funniest ones...

Karin said...

@jaded. Yes, lets! I think a patio evening with cocktails is soon warranted.

@Heathen. I totally forgot that, out of the blue last month, I met a friend of a friend who told me about her blog that does exactly that:

I was just checking it out and her latest post is a REPLICA of a message I got from the very same sender. We all could certainly have a party on her site ....

Random Blog Reader said...

I just sent her a few of the most hilarious ones (including the one telling me he wants a Jewish slave girl). Her blog is about to get a lot more entries.

jaded said...

woo hoo! i'm down for cocktails and complaints anytime! ;-)