Monday, January 24, 2011

Weekend observations...

....from a Monday in the deep freeze.  (The river I wished I had to skate away on, thusly materialized. Now if I just owned skates.)

1) Thank heaven. 

Just in time for sanity, friend L reconstituted Rooftop Thursdays into Fireplace Fridays ... the second of which I hit up at posh Post 390. Remembered all the Michiganders by sight, a few by name. Sociability level still high. And 2 glasses of riesling took the edge off my getting-dumped pissiness. Resulting in multiple animated conversations with multiple eligible bachelors of all ages and professions, one of whom said as I was leaving, "you're coming back next week, aren't you?"


2) Diet be damned.

Between Wednesday and Saturday I ate an entire jar of peanut butter straight from the spoon in addition to all other regular meals.

But I still fit into the dress Saturday night.

So ha.

3) Good point.

Joshua came to my cabaret performance Saturday night, after which we stopped for a beer at People's Republik on Mass Ave in Cambridge. During which I expounded at length my frustration at men in their 40s with self-involved lack-of-commitment annoyingness. To which he listened patiently and then replied: "I know that he dumped you via wishy-washy e-mail, but would you have preferred he instead just disappeared and said nothing?"

Of course not.

3a) Good point #2.

During same conversation, we recalled one of Joshua's ex-girlfriends .... a relationship that was notorious between us at the time for me thinking he should break it off and him kind of also thinking so, but unable to drop the axe for something like a year. To which Joshua noted: "Isn't finding the words to end a relationship you want to end one of the hardest things to find words for?"

Of course.

3b) But still.

Even further into same conversation, I talked for 10 minutes without pause about my frustration with unrealistic pre-expectations and lack of patience in dating among folks my age, set in our habits and ways as we are and unwilling to compromise. As in, with Sunday-Night Man, how I felt he and I, from what he told and showed me, were 80 percent compatible .... not perfect, enough for me to want to see him and get to know him better .... because who on this earth is 100 percent compatible with anyone?

Yet he wanted 100 percent compatibility and immediate emotional connection without putting in the face time. Four dates spread out over 12 weeks is not going to breed emotional connection, and he did not choose to make himself available for more.

I'm no longer mad about Sunday-Night Man. Yet I'm concerned most men his age will continue to be like him. And all I can see on my horizon is frustration ....

.... unless I, too, learn some further patience.

4) Relationships, too, sometimes suck.

After long hiatus, I reconnected yesterday with Student Driver .... because I noticed she hadn't blogged in eons and eons. And discovered that, sadly, it has much to do with her current angst with her current love.

When feeling pissy about one's relationship status, it is often helpful to remember that fustration is not limited to the dateless.

(And hope that Student Driver's man shapes himself up.)

5) So do delayed Christmas cards. 

If you're still waiting, you might be getting one today .....since I finished writing and mailing another 20 last night.

Only 40 more to go. Only a month behind. Only for sure going to finish this week.

(Sorry for sucking.)


Heathen said...

So sad that the disappearing man act is so prevalent that any breakup is a good breakup, but kinda true. Men in their forties are dangerous -- lotsa commitment issues. I can certainly understand your frustration. Maybe try going out with divorcés?

Joshua said...

Ah, but you did not mention the most important part of Saturday evening--how delightful the cabaret was.

Anonymous said...

I've also been recently burned by a seemingly commitment-phobic 40-something man (again, so fool me twice, shame on me), so I can empathize. But, I can't help but wonder if men attribute the same skepticism to me, a never married 30 something woman. I would hate that to be the case.

Here's hoping good things are worth the wait.