Friday, January 21, 2011

Dumped (again)

Maybe when I first meet a guy, I should inform him that if he's just going to eventually dump me via e-mail mid-afternoon on a Friday in January in a wishy-washy tone, he's going to get whatever response I decide he deserves.

Believe me.  I do get tired of trashing guys that I date.  I don't enjoy it.  I'd actually rather be dating them. 

Speaking of, I thought I had a good time with Sunday-night man last Saturday.  He kind of had a good time, but not good enough:
"Hey Karin

Had a fun time...always do with you. But I’ve been thinking about things and realizing that I want to have a an emotional connection with someone that I am being intimate with and I don’t really feel that between us. Honestly, I really do enjoy being with you, but I think I want something more – but not necessarily something serious – I’m a bit up in the air about this so not sure how to convey this I think I need to take a bit of time to figure this out. Also, I’m stepping the job search up and I tend to get distracted by women – big time! Oh and if you see me on okcupid, it’s really out of procrastination and boredom – plus it’s a bit of a turn on for me with out having to engage further.....make sense?"
Yeah.  It does.  Fancy way of saying you're not interested.  You were initially hoping we could get together for makeout sessions but because you decided already to take yourself emotionally out of it because you're ostensibly pursuing a career, you're surprised to discover that, voila, we don't have an emotional connection.  That makeout sessions without a connection don't connect nearly as well.  (Funny. Tell yourself you're going to close yourself off to emotions .... and you probably will.)  But you'll probably troll around for sex-chat buddies because better to be bored and procrastinating with girls who don't require anything from you than putting any effort to connecting with someone that you already invested in.  (Guys like toying with women online to get turned on?  Color me speechless.) 

I should have probably said this. 

Instead I did what I thought I needed to do, which is to turn around 10 minutes later and reply: 
"No, your ambiguity is confusing. You have fun, but you don't feel the connection, you enjoy me, but you want something more, but not something serious, but you don't know what, but you're up in the air.

Blah, blah, blah.

When you get around to figuring yourself out, how about not leading someone on for months at a time. Total waste of my energy and that's 3 months of my life I don't get back."
Of course, I don't get that reply back, either. 

I spent the rest of the afternoon wishing I could send a follow-up simply stating:
"Oh.  And also:  you're an ass."
That would be lamer than my initial e-mail.

Besides, I'm exhausted, drained, and feeling foolish for even letting it go on as long as it did.  Mad that he had to go and ruin the start of my weekend.

I wish I had a river I could skate away on.


Anonymous said...

@Karin. There's better out there. Let him go.


DR said...

Hugs, Karin. It is no fun dealing with immature and dishonest people who claim to want/seek something and then think nothing of doing a volte-face without any sense of accountability to the other person/s they are involved with - be it in intimate or other social relationships....although the costs/stakes are certainly higher for intimate relationships.
Sadly, such people abound and I've personally found it useful to try and suss out potential volte-facers by paying better heed to my red-flag's obviously not foolproof (when is it ever?!), and it does create increased cynicism, but I guess that's the price one pays for dealing with self absorbed and dishonest people. You have a great year ahead of you, and I look forward to reading your blog more regularly -- all the best.

Justin said...

@Karin: Love is all around, no need to waste it...

2011 will be a wonderful year. Use your frustration and anger and purge yourself from this cycle. You're worth someone's time, attention, and energy--don't give anyone yours who doesn't realize how great you are. :)

I know it sux, believe me.