Believe me. I do get tired of trashing guys that I date. I don't enjoy it. I'd actually rather be dating them.
Speaking of, I thought I had a good time with Sunday-night man last Saturday. He kind of had a good time, but not good enough:
"Hey KarinYeah. It does. Fancy way of saying you're not interested. You were initially hoping we could get together for makeout sessions but because you decided already to take yourself emotionally out of it because you're ostensibly pursuing a career, you're surprised to discover that, voila, we don't have an emotional connection. That makeout sessions without a connection don't connect nearly as well. (Funny. Tell yourself you're going to close yourself off to emotions .... and you probably will.) But you'll probably troll around for sex-chat buddies because better to be bored and procrastinating with girls who don't require anything from you than putting any effort to connecting with someone that you already invested in. (Guys like toying with women online to get turned on? Color me speechless.)
Had a fun time...always do with you. But I’ve been thinking about things and realizing that I want to have a an emotional connection with someone that I am being intimate with and I don’t really feel that between us. Honestly, I really do enjoy being with you, but I think I want something more – but not necessarily something serious – I’m a bit up in the air about this so not sure how to convey this correctly....so I think I need to take a bit of time to figure this out. Also, I’m stepping the job search up and I tend to get distracted by women – big time! Oh and if you see me on okcupid, it’s really out of procrastination and boredom – plus it’s a bit of a turn on for me with out having to engage further.....make sense?"
I should have probably said this.
Instead I did what I thought I needed to do, which is to turn around 10 minutes later and reply:
"No, your ambiguity is confusing. You have fun, but you don't feel the connection, you enjoy me, but you want something more, but not something serious, but you don't know what, but you're up in the air.Of course, I don't get that reply back, either.
Blah, blah, blah.
When you get around to figuring yourself out, how about not leading someone on for months at a time. Total waste of my energy and that's 3 months of my life I don't get back."
I spent the rest of the afternoon wishing I could send a follow-up simply stating:
"Oh. And also: you're an ass."That would be lamer than my initial e-mail.
Besides, I'm exhausted, drained, and feeling foolish for even letting it go on as long as it did. Mad that he had to go and ruin the start of my weekend.
I wish I had a river I could skate away on.