In 3 years of hardcore dating, I've experienced every variety of romantic interest ... but none so prevalent as the man who thinks life would be dandy if I'd be his occasional sex buddy. Some of these requests I've laughed off. Some felt like cop-outs and pissed me off. Some I thought worth trying out -- the guys, maybe, I thought would be worth keeping around for whatever reason -- and did.
And, here I sit 3 years later, without a date on the horizon or a Friend with Benefits in the stable. I'm not considering this a tragedy. Just my version of proof that sex on its own merits truly doesn't have staying power (and I don't mean the Viagra-induced kind). Despite all intentions to the contrary.
As if reading my mind, Salon.com's Tracy Clark-Flory parsed the topic on her blog yesterday: "Does Friends with Benefits Work? -- As non-relationships get the Hollywood treatment, I'm not alone in thinking they suck in the real world."
You can read it for yourself, and some of what's said is slap-head obvious, but I'm thinking her most relevant conclusions could be:
1) A person who says she doesn't want a commitment is lying either to the other person or herself. She most likely agreed to FWB with subconscious hope that a commitment would develop. (Guilty as charged.)
2) Sex does change friendships. Sometimes it kiboshes them. (Guilty, again.)
3) All FWB scenarios start out sounding like total fun and nearly all end up with someone's heart breaking. (Oy, yes.)
As Clark-Flory notes:
"Given the high stakes, why do we do it? As my former 'friend fling' said: 'Because the idea of sex without consequences is the most awesome thing on the planet.' He waxes poetic about the appeal: 'It's that delicious, delicious mixture of freedom and dependability. You have somebody you can rely on, you have a safety net, you have somebody you can call when you're lonely -- but you have none of the consequences. You get to not commit but still kinda be committed.' Non-committal commitment, if you will."No consequences?
Day 24 of 31: 2.25 miles
Day 25 of 31: 3.5 miles
January Total: 37.11