Thursday, January 15, 2009

Sexy in January? Inconceivable.

Or maybe just this January.

Or this week, particularly. Or today. Today felt like North Dakota. The wind threw a face-full of dry snow from my car as I brushed it off. With the next swipe, it delivered a load off the front hood and into my boot tops.

Let's face it. A brown, ankle-length quilted parka (worn with the famous paisley waders) has limited sex appeal. Laura Ingalls somehow attracted Almanzo Wilder wearing longjohns and 8 layers of muffler for 8 months of The Long Winter. Instead of describing all those days of Bible-reading during blizzards, I wish she had clued us into how she wooed a husband while dealing with perpetually chapped skin.....which she never showed him, anyhow.

Again, it could just be this January.

I've dated almost ritually in Januarys past. Last year I was taken out by both The Editor and Another Man and had to choose between them. A few years before that, I met skinny, blond Evan at Gypsy Bar when we made out on the dance floor; he later took me to a movie on Martin Luther King Day, after which we downed a bottle of Ruffino and made out some more. My first kiss--freshman year in college, used dorm loveseat, football player offering wine coolers--came shortly after the new year via a set-up with a friend of a friend of my roommate Suzanne, who thought I'd "like big guys."

I somehow felt sexy enough to contribute to those situations. And one of those times was even in Moorhead, Minnesota....where the wind comes whipping down the plains. So why, this January, do I feel like more like eating peanut butter from the jar than finding someone to make-out with. More than match.com-ing. More than even just smiling at co-workers in the elevator because, after all, lips can't be seen through all the fuzz on my parka hood.

Sigh. I need to start disconnecting the cold feelings from the cold outside. I'd gladly take suggestions.

*Thanks, boston.com, for the mention.

9 comments:

Julie Q said...

The good news is, January is halfway over, so just get ready for a fun and fabulous february! But yeah, I'm married and I still don't plan on doing anything fun this month due to the cold- except catch a Celtics game next week, but thats sports = boring :)

The Missus said...

Yes.. It would be interesting to know how Laura Ingalls wooed "Manly" during that long winter.

Karin said...

@The Missus.

My sisters and I lived on the Little House books growing up....and our favorite line ever was about Manly's "creamy white underwear" when he was growing up. I don't think those books had an ounce of titillation....yet we managed to find some.

Anonymous said...

Borat say: Woman long Russian coat winter very good. Better than sack potatoes to eyes of Boston man. Coat makes warm, warm makes relaxed, relaxed makes good posture. Man think: Smart, sexy. Very nice...

amj said...

Yeah, well, January can do that. At least you're not sick - the antithesis of sexy (cough, cough). And if it makes you feel any better, our friend J once told me that he thought I was pretty intimidating looking as I walked down the alley by church a ways ahead of him. Apparently, all in black with tons of layers to stay warm, I look like a street tough. Not sexy, indeed. Still cool in a strange sort of way...
Really, though, I think Borat's right - you've got to mentally be Nikita, sexy Russian spy in warm furry parka. Or one of "those Northern girls, with the way they kiss, they keep their boyfriends warm at night" (from a favorite song of this CA girl).

Chris said...

Hey there,
I am 35, single guy, work in the city, and live in a cozy suburb on the North Shore.
Meet for a drink sometime? : )

Karin said...

Hold on.

Did I just get a drink proposition on this blog? Holy mackeral.

Chris, where'd ya go.....?!

Chris said...

Hey there,
I tried to leave a comment over the weekend via my phone but apparently it didn't take.
Anyways, yes I believe you did receive a drink proposition! : )

What do ya think about that my friend?

Karin said...

@Chris.

Well, I'm a bit curious as to how this works from here....

Post a time and place and then we see how many readers of this blog show up there out of curiosity?