...then what's the fun?
Another day. Another e-mail from Yahoo! Personals saying my profile had been viewed. Another click onto the Yahoo! site for a look at the looker. Yet another profile of yet another man with a blurry photo whose goal in dating---evidently, based on its prominent place in the first line of text-- is that he "doesn't play games." And is not looking for anyone who does.
Hello?
I can't count the ways in which this edict turns me off.
But I can start.
1) The assumption that women are by default nefarious and should take a purity test or be turned away at the gate of love.
2) The promise of a sheer lack of a good time.
3) The dreary list of qualities sure to follow such a chart-topper....such as, perhaps, "I'm outgoing with my friends but really just like to stay at home with that special someone and be quiet."
4) The surely even drearier dating history of such a man. Really. If he eliminates all game players he eliminates the population of greater Boston. Which means he's never dated.
5) Disregard for the nuances of flirtation. Courtship. Seduction. Or just conversation. Total fireball.
6) Proof that he never could be taken home to play Jenga with the family.
Really. This is online dating today. This represents. This is the pool into which we are encouraged to jump and swim and feast: humorless, stagnant waters.
I want to call this man up, dare him to have a personality, tell him that he can't have things that easy and clean because it's not real and it's not fun, belt out a karaoke version of "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," convince him that it's the play that makes the match and he's going to be a man alone still looking at profiles like mine long after I'm gone.
So you see how it is possible to feel humorless and stagnant.
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5 comments:
I shall risk the wrath of Karin and suggest that rather than being humorless, this man is merely trying to suggest that he is not in it to 'play games' with your heart. In other words, that he sincerely wants to find someone to be with. That he isn't saying he wants a relationship when he's just looking for a piece of ass (and that word 'relationship' is just bait for a woman who's tired of being single).
I didn't read his profile, of course, so perhaps in context he is dull and humorless. But I'd say a lot of people are tired of being played for fools in the dating game, or being toyed with - they might see his statement as a plus. The whole ongoing CFO thing (would using the word 'debacle' instead of the less descriptive 'thing' make you very angry?) seems to indicate, though, that your natural preferences for adventure and excitement may lead you straight into the arms of such players... and to a broken heart.
Where can you find the middle ground guy - the one with a sense of humor and keen wit, but for whom you are more than a plaything? I can't say. If I could, I could make me a lotta money, no?
@oh, AMJ. Am I that predictable?!
I don't think I articulated my sentiment adequately. I'd say 90 percent of the population does not set out to "play games," but naturally does to navigate their way through new relationships. It could be as little as calculating when to call or write someone back to pique their interest, or what tone to strike. That, to me, is just part of how it works.
What irks me, I guess, is that online dating is a complete crapshoot. The statement "I don't play games" feels crabby and inflexible and an overly serious way to approach an enterprise with so many variables. (Even if a serious relationship is the goal.)
Assuming off the bat that online daters are going to be scheming rather than good-natured and flirtatious, to me, is simply unattractive.
Yes, you did sound quite irked. But I understand what you're saying. I think that you have a very different approach to dating than I did and I find it very interesting. I have much less faith in human nature and would probably be more ready to assign ulterior motives to online daters and people in general. I think you would have found my approach to dating, back in the day, 'crabby, inflexible, and overly serious' actually. And I think someone like me would not be a good match for you, so probably this guy is rightly dismissed by you.
I just always felt that I wanted what I wanted, and if the guy wanted something else, that was his problem. Didn't feel like playing around dating - it wasn't fun for me. I had a goal, and if it wasn't fun and it wasn't leading toward the goal, then why bother? Very practical (I am an engineer, after all). I refused to settle. Didn't date much. Didn't really think I'd actually find someone, but preferred being alone to being with the wrong person.
Hmmm, can you tell work is deadly boring today? Let me outta here. Out of the office. Out of snow. Out of JANUARY.
PS - what is @oh? I am not up with the hip online lingo.
@oh was a typo....!
(it is protocol in responding to comments of other commenters to put @ in front of it. I just had to add oh as an exclamation because I couldn't help myself.
You said it well in describing what kind of dater you are....and what kind I am....and admitting that it takes all kinds! For me, I have been most smitten in past attempts by men who immediately kicked off with a wry sense of humor. (As I think you have to have been....because your husband has one of those!) It's important. Which is why I think overly earnest online dating profiles get on my nerves.
I do take issue with the suggestion that "adventure and excitement" lead directly to heartbreak. You can get to heartbreak in any # of ways....and often you never know when you start if you're going there....so I'd say have fun on the way and have at least a good memory or two! :-)
I'm ready to be done with January, also, by the way. We can all survive tomorrow, I'm sure.
I laughed out loud at number six, Karin. Full-throated belly laugh.
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