Back in with the man (in a fashion).

At 3:15 on New Year's morning--pinot grigio in hand, Bach's Art of the Fugue on the stereo--I sat in the dark at my kitchen table and wrote to the the CFO.

As y'all know, I was grounded by weather and circumstance from spending the evening with friends.....and it was the first instance I felt lucid enough to articulate the thoughts conjured by the CFO's October 21 e-mail. (Which I won't rehash....feel free to follow the label trail and save the sanity of those who labored along with my indecision since then...)

Sparing most details, I told him I had felt hurt. That I regretted not saying sooner that I was. How I came to learn that our style of relationship was emotionally dangerous. That while time had passed and this was a certain dredging up, I thought of him too frequently to not respond.

Cartharsis generated my best sleep in months, and not just because it was 4:30 a.m. I told myself if he doesn't respond, it's closure. OK. And if he does, well, then, I'll deal.

So. He wrote back the next evening....with, in his words, surpise and gladness. Then he wrote at length again on Saturday, responding almost point-by-point to my points. Apologizing for "mishandling" everything, which he regretted because of how much he enjoyed our times together. Then....that his relationship was coming to a mutually-agreed-on close next week because she's moving to Africa, and he wants to start dating again.

And he'd like to go out with me, if that's agreeable.

That's sweet talk, is what it is. Because I find myself so inclined. I wrote him back last night and told him so. For any number of reasons....mostly because he apologized thoroughly but not gratuitously. Because I'm a complete sucker for articulate men. And because I'd really like to see him again and he wants to see me. We had seriously good times last summer and I'd like to have more.

So I don't know what exactly will come of it. As of tonight, I'm OK with it. He responded, and I'm dealing.

My decision has not sat well with the 3 friends I've discussed it with. Bill says: "You can do better than the CFO. Thats all I'm going to say." Another FWAB, sitting across the table at The Paramount on Sunday, listened for 20 minutes before replying, "Karin, run away." A is not keen on me retreating again to the dating-just-to-date scenario, and wrote in an e-mail:

"The second go-around with him might be different, but remember the first--meant to be casual but distressing when things didn't continue as you had hoped despite your first intentions (case in point). Just don't like to see you get hurt, and would rather see you with your "soulmate" which doesn't sound to be him."

Can I disagree with all of them and still feel good about going forward on my own path? My initial thought....was the ungenerous try being 35 and single and not having a date for 3 months and then tell me that every date should be with the man I'm expecting to marry. It's easier to say "wait for 'The One'" from the vantage of the relationship surety you're all in.

I felt bad for thinking it, because these folks all seriously care about me. So I've rather stopped thinking it and will try not to think it again. I don't like feeling my friends disapprove of me.

And if I see the CFO again and he stomps on my heart, I will tell them they were right. If we have a splendid old time doing up the city, I won't rub it in.

Nonetheless, it seems the storyline has re-upped. More to follow.

(And don't think y'all are going to pile-on in the comment section now and give me a lecture.....!)