Spam in the City

I tried to be positive tonight. Tried to go onto match.com and write flattering missives to my dream man when not really in the mood. (Sauteeing eggplant, green beans and canned tuna for my spaghetti sauce had approximately 100 times the appeal. Which I did first.)

Nonetheless. Before commencing my search, I opened my inbox to see if, by chance, someone might have thought to write me first. Three "winks" awaited me.

Ah, winks. My favorite. The equivalent of waving at the hot chick on the platform from a closed-door subway car as it pulls away.

I clicked on the first. No photo, which annoys me, but isn't a dealbreaker. He was 42, has an MBA, and likes everything that everybody should like: dinner with friends, his nieces and nephews, running and hiking, watching television. Standard stuff. A potential red flag in his last-read book: Alone in the Wilderness, about Dick Prenicke's 30 year solo existence in the Alaska wilderness.

Someone who likes an awesome book about solitude....just what everyone is looking for in a mate. Although I think I found a true red flag......he's looking for a "morning person." Yikes.

So I clicked to the second, from a man in Jamaica, Queens, NY.....and shortly thereafter, the third, from Kansas City, KS. Both were 42. Both looking for someone between 35-60. Both widowed with children not living at home (although, where were they then?). And both contained this killer profile info, truncated about 10 lines in for your sanity....

About my life and what I'm looking for
this a try. I am a 42year Old man. I just want to find one good real woman that knows how to treat a real man (Because I know how to treat a woman) I am a decent looking Man anThis is the first time, which I post my self on the internet (feels funny), because I normally meet people in person, but I guess it should not be a problem to meet the right person. (Yes it is) so I give d have a good heart and soul (sometimes to good that’s what people say) I am carring, very open & honest (I hate lies ) truthful, very romantic, funny and adventures love to do things, but also relax, love to cook, listen to soul, jazz and R&B, watch good movies etc. romance movie and my favorite is Love don't cost a thing and I am hard working and very ambitious, but know when to stop and take time for you.If you are looking for a good Husband and success relationship, call on me no games I will treat you like QueenThen maybe I am the one.......

My first Nigerian Scam lovers!

Hot, baby. Hot.