HBI: Sorry about earlierOn g-mail, HBI frequently shows the green light of "I'm here." Frequently he is not. Or not wanting to be, responding to "hello!" in a tone of, "um, not really." Such as he had that afternoon. We had left things awkwardly.
K: Yes, you were a bit short.
HBI: I had to look some stuff up quick, and then get to the post office.
K: Yup. It's fine. You should just not list yourself as available to chat. Then I wouldn't ask.
HBI: I prefer the mystery..... say I, joking. Perhaps a ;-) would have helped here.
K: Well then you're not allowed to be short.
HBI: People are going to have to take what they can get.
K: Sigh. Yes, I know. Because you're so wonderful ... we must suffer for your attention ...
He might have put a ;-) here. Obviously not so moved.HBI: Sure don't. No one has to do anything. But if they desire my attention, beggers cannot be choosers.
I was crabby, in that way where the crabbiness feeds on itself and inflates. He was .... something. Distracted? Disengaged? We went on like this for a half-hour, enough to inspire serious teeth-grinding.K: Noble. And it's beggars. Anyway. Did you make it to the post office?
K: Ah. So that's why you're crabby.
HBI: Yes, because I missed the post office.
K: Well, I can only guess.
HBI: Well, I'm not crabby.
K: Gotcha. Me neither.
Then. Thwack! The realization I should have slapped myself with a week ago: You're conversing with a man
a) you've never metWhy stay up? Why chat? Why waste good aggravation?
b) who is not moving back to Boston
c) who is being a modified ass right now and
d) who is seriously out of game or
e) not even bothering to fake it.
K: Seriously. Question here: Should I bother checking in with you again? You seem entirely less than interested.Grand pause.
HBI. yes. heh, you are mistaken
K: It's hard to tell.
K: Just let me know then. You hit me up when you're in the mood to talk next time.Five minutes. During which I laid my forehead on the table and just stayed there.
HBI: There's no reason to get excited. I am just on vacation, with friends, and have a lot of things going on at once, all the time. So sometimes I am distracted or short. But it has nothing to do with you. I am just busy. I try to talk to you as frequently as I can.
K: I understand that. I'm not excited.
K: But I also have other things going on and if you have nothing to say - or are distracted or short - then just tell me you don't feel like talking so I can go do those other things. That's all.
HBI: Well, if I was on, and didn't say anything at all you would tell me that I am "being quiet"
K: That has only ever been a joke as a way of greeting.I couldn't think of a response. So I went off to Facebook to play Scrabble.
HBI: It's fine.
It's possible HBI tells the truth that he's not mad, is really only distracted, is perhaps truly interested in me. Or at least interested in a couple dates.
But at the moment, Scrabble is more fun.