Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Thwack (upside the head, that is)

Gave myself one last night as my chat with HBI, for the 3rd time in 3 days, acquired Harried Married Conversational Tone. 
HBI:  Sorry about earlier
K:  Yes, you were a bit short.
HBI:   I had to look some stuff up quick, and then get to the post office.
K:  Yup.  It's fine.  You should just not list yourself as available to chat. Then I wouldn't ask.
On g-mail, HBI frequently shows the green light of "I'm here." Frequently he is not.  Or not wanting to be, responding to "hello!" in a tone of, "um, not really."  Such as he had that afternoon. We had left things awkwardly.
HBI:  I prefer the mystery.
K:  Well then you're not allowed to be short.
HBI:  People are going to have to take what they can get.
K:  Sigh. Yes, I know. Because you're so wonderful ... we must suffer for your attention ...
.... say I, joking.  Perhaps a ;-) would have helped here.
HBI:  Sure don't. No one has to do anything. But if they desire my attention, beggers cannot be choosers.
He might have put a ;-) here.  Obviously not so moved.
K:  Noble.   And it's beggars.  Anyway.  Did you make it to the post office?
HBI:  No.
K:  Ah.  So that's why you're crabby.
HBI:  Yes, because I missed the post office.
K:  Well, I can only guess.
HBI:  Well, I'm not crabby.
K:  Gotcha.  Me neither.
I was crabby, in that way where the crabbiness feeds on itself and inflates.  He was .... something.   Distracted?   Disengaged?  We went on like this for a half-hour, enough to inspire serious teeth-grinding.

Then.  Thwack!  The realization I should have slapped myself with a week ago:  You're conversing with a man
a) you've never met
b) who is not moving back to Boston
c) who is being a modified ass right now and
d) who is seriously out of game or
e) not even bothering to fake it.
Why stay up? Why chat? Why waste good aggravation?
K:  Seriously. Question here:  Should I bother checking in with you again?  You seem entirely less than interested.
HBI.  yes.   heh, you are mistaken
K:   It's hard to tell.
Grand pause.
K:  Just let me know then.  You hit me up when you're in the mood to talk next time.
HBI:  There's no reason to get excited.  I am just on vacation, with friends, and have a lot of things going on at once, all the time. So sometimes I am distracted or short. But it has nothing to do with you.  I am just busy. I try to talk to you as frequently as I can.
K:  I understand that.  I'm not excited.
K:  But I also have other things going on and if you have nothing to say - or are distracted or short - then just tell me you don't feel like talking so I can go do those other things.  That's all.
HBI:  Well, if I was on, and didn't say anything at all you would tell me that I am "being quiet"
Five minutes.  During which I laid my forehead on the table and just stayed there.
K:   That has only ever been a joke as a way of greeting.
HBI:  It's fine.
I couldn't think of a response.  So I went off to Facebook to play Scrabble.

It's possible HBI tells the truth that he's not mad,  is really only distracted, is perhaps truly interested in me. Or at least interested in a couple dates.

But at the moment, Scrabble is more fun.


klk said...

IMO, his attitude seems hardly worth your time or your frustration. Plus, if he's this "crabby" when he is overwhelmed and busy online that doesn't hold much hope for how he deals with life in person. Again, it's only my opinion and I wish for you only the best because of how wonderful you truly are.

Joshua said...

Thank you for correcting his spelling of "beggers." :) It was going to bother me.