The first damndest thing:
On Sunday late, while on our second Guinness, C-2 and I moved from Red Sox euphoria into relationship talk. After a year of bantering over beers, we have our own feisty dynamic (and, consequently, a not easily-summarized history), but as usual, we don't discuss us.
We discuss, as usual, our own stories. At some point, he wondered aloud if perhaps after many (many, many) years of dating, he's realizing he might not be cut out for something long-term. I then suggested that conversely, I really was ready for something long-term. Which spurred this (paraphrased) exchange:
C-2: That's curious. You seem to me to be doing everything except illustrate that you want to be in a long-term relationship. Are you sure?Why not? Why not (be unfocussed and waste my own time and my biological clock's time)?
Karin: Hmm. I am. Well. Maybe it's just that I can't find anyone who wants to be in one with me. So I need to kill time somehow. I figure, why not?
The second damndest thing:
Last night, I got a surprise when friend Justin, of New Jersey, called to say he would be in town on business. So we did late dinner at Franklin Southie and got caught up.
I was in a slightly griping mood. One of my gripes was about the recent plethora of men who, after either dumping me or just ignoring me out of the picture, have suddenly re-emerged and presented themselves, again, as viable options. The whole, "well, you weren't good enough the first time but now, um, well, maybe I've reconsidered (or maybe I'm lonely or maybe I'm horny) and wonder what's up" thing.
This week there were 3 of them ... yes, 3 more since I last griped to Justin about it.
Which plain exhausts me.
Justin knows me better than just about anyone and, to his credit, often turns sage when needed. So (again paraphrased) he said:
"So here's the thing. If you really want a relationship, you need to draw your line in the sand with the guys you date. You need to say 'this is what I put up with, and this is what I don't.' And then you make the guy decide if he is willing to step up to your line - to fix the things that might not make him someone you want to be with. If he isn't willing, he isn't willing. And you wouldn't want someone who isn't. Right?"Right.
And I don't know why the hell I've never thought of it that way before.