Fuzzy (II)

It was a full weekend. 1:13 on Monday morning and I'm just now winding down.

Next week just gets fuller. Which means it is probably time to stop typing and start sleeping if I'm even going to pretend to prepare for the onslaught.

Nonetheless, a bit earlier I was online chatting with Bill - my guy who gives guy advice, whom I normally converse with during working hours but who on this evening logged on to harass me for not having written an entry yet this weekend.

So I got going a bit, telling him about the date I had Saturday night with NTBTW. And then the date I had tonight with the Artist.

Neither would be called bonafide hits. Tonight particularly. I don't know if it was because I was ambivalent towards The Artist and couldn't fake it, or was just correct that we lacked chemistry despite concerted efforts to get it started. (Including when he rested the side of his hand ever-so-casually on my thigh as we drove back to the train station....which I shook off by faking a calf stretch-and-shift....)

Maybe tonight I realized how much energy it takes to go on 3 dates in 1 week with 3 different guys -- even if I were getting enough sleep. Focus is perhaps a bit fuzzy. As I suggested to Bill:

"I know I'm at a point where I've got a lot of doors open and should probably start closing a few, but the path is not abundantly clear at the moment. Which makes me reticent to close down anything."

Well, I know I can write The Artist a thank you while suggesting the spark just wasn't there. (Which I have to believe he should already know if he got the calf-stretch hint. ) That does simplify.

Saturday night I went out to dinner in the Back Bay with NTBTW -- who I'll switch to calling The Egoist. Not because I deduce he is one. But he has both written and said repeatedly that his big ego both helps and prevents him from certain things. Self-deprecating, perhaps.

I was tired, admittedly (as is my current default), but still considered the Egoist a good date. He deferred to me on choosing wine. Laughed at my dating tales of past woe. Took me from, in his parlance, Place X (Vox) to Place Y (Jury's) for a later cocktail. Liked my glasses. Talked politics. Listened to even more of my past woes.

So he was a good date. Was I? That's not for me to say, even if I do aim to be. I thought I was at least OK.

The Egoist e-mailed me Sunday with this spin:

"....You've got a lot on your plate right now and I don't know if your heart was totally in it last night. I'm not sure what your arrangement is with that guy but it seems to me like you're harboring feelings for him...."

I confess I don't remember which guy he is talking about.

Which means that I talked about a lot of other guys. (Oy. Yes.) Even though I realized it as I was doing it, it does mean he is correct: my head was not 100 percent on the date I was on with him....which dragged my energy off with it.

I've already said I'm sorry, and know if he did that to me I'd be royally annoyed.

The Egoist's observation is probably as good as any reason to close some doors and narrow foci, as I've already articulated. But then again, do I have to quit the rest of my life to successfully date? Only exclusively date to successfully date?

Or do I simply need more sleep?

**Update: 9:42 a.m.
Well, question at least partly answered.

I wrote to the Egoist last night about the same time I wrote this entry, saying much of the same thing. (See above: "I'm sorry"). He wrote back already this morning, at length. He fully agrees that I talked too much about my dating life. He believes I don't know what I want. So he's going to pursue his other options, of which he also has several.

Perhaps the pot calling the kettle grey? Perhaps. But he is just being honest...and hardly malicious. It's all good.

Onward and upward.

**Update 1:54 p.m.
Code issues with today's original post caused problems viewing from Internet Explorer. After some sleuthing and good advice I reposted under a new name and I think it's all set now. Sorry for confusion. And sorry, KLK, to have lost your original comment. I do need more sleep, that is a given. -- K