Friday, February 12, 2010


So I already asked my friend Bill this one today, but perhaps you, my blog readers, might also advise me how respond to the following 2 aspects of my date last evening:

(Which, by the way, was perfectly and relatively pleasant, so this is not a diss, rather a genuine inquiry on social norms. And if I should be reading into them specifically.)

1) If on a February evening in Southie you are out with a date for a beer, and you have told him several times that you have just left a political organizing meeting to come meet him for said beer, what would be your response if he were to tell you in so many words, after a couple hours of conversation in which you describe your keen interest in politics, "I hate politics. In fact I abhor it."

2) Also. If you and your date live in the same neighborhood and your house is 6 blocks farther away than his, what would be your accepted response when, walking together up I Street from the bar at 10:45 pm (you walking in heels) and upon reaching his block, he says, "OK, here's my turn. Good to see you again and goodnight."

Bill has suggested that perhaps I have learned all I need to know. I'm suggesting that perhaps my date is firstly, just straightforward and honest, and secondly, not romantically interested in me, and thirdly .... well, I actually am still a bit shocked he didn't offer to see me home safely.

But perhaps that follows along with the secondly?


Anonymous said...

I enjoy reading your blog, and do root for you. I think in this situation, you have to ask yourself, is this how you want to be treated by this person. You'll know the answer.

And I do think you know all you need to know. For me, I know I would want to be treated better than this.

AS (Also Single)

Anonymous said...

This (the second) happened to a friend of mine recently, after which we learned that the date had grown up in a family of all boys and simply never developed a sense of women's safety concerns. She gave him another chance, and on the subsequent date asked him to walk her home, which he did, and even apologized for not having done so on the first date.

And on the first...honesty's not so bad, is it? My advice would be not to read too much into his intended meaning, but to decide if that interest in politics is important to you. I'm getting the feeling you're not so very into him in the first place... Am I wrong?

I've said this before, but as another single okcupid dater in Boston, I love following your blog. Keep it up!

cousin j said...

1) Politics is too much of a common conversation piece for you to last very long with someone who isn't interested in sparring with you. Whether he said it to silence you and be honest or it was simply expression. You've got your info.
2) It's true, he could be lacking in the norms that many men have of women's safety. But, I'm inclined to say he doesn't get a second chance. It felt like a brush off to me and you deserve to be treated better...besides, even if he grew up in a house of men, they've all seen movies and if he wanted to be with you, he'd have thought about it on his own.

There's something better out there.

Anonymous said...

I concur with the general trend here. First, it's one thing to not agree on something and have lots of interesting conversations about it (after many many years of being single and very liberal, my SO is a libertarian - but still very much into politics - we love talking about it). I also agree that based on what I read of you, even if you're not bored with him yet, you will be soon enough. As for the not walking you home - rude, and there's no excuse for it. He should have at least offered - EVEN if he was not interested in pursuing. even growing up in an all boys house does not shield one from the world. I say, "NEXT"... Any thoughts btw on the LL gathering? Any interested leads from there?

Karin said...

@all. Well, let me put it this way. His lack of a more dynamic interest, in this case, is what is making me less and less interested. I do not get the sense he was either trying to make a point or be rude by not walking me home. I'm perfectly capable of walking home alone and it isn't really a dealbreaker, per se. It was his casual "I'm more worried about getting home and getting to sleep than ending this properly" to me just spoke to his lack of interest.

Although, interesting story. Just a couple days ago I was talking to a girlfriend who was completely perplexed: a date went out of his way to walk her to the train and wait with her, and then never called her again. So it isn't always a given.

Karin said...


BTW, I forgot to say earlier, thanks for rooting for me!

I also should note that RE: the politics...he has the right to his opinion. But it was his "case closed" tone to the comment. As in, "I dislike politics, period." Which means he probably wouldn't want to debate our differences. Which is most of the fun of knowing people with different viewpoints. Which would, yes, probably make him boring.

Just a guess.