Return of feeling (it's about time)

It was a typical weekday morning o' minor mishaps in Karin's Southie apartment:

1) Set alarm for 6:30 but actually don't get up until 7:55 .... check.

2) Trip on cats who insist on planting their mewling selves 2 steps in front of any attempted human footpath ... check.

3) Pull on favorite plaid knee skirt and black v-neck before realizing a black bra is preferable underneath for so many reasons and -- in resulting haste to switch to correct bra because it was already 8:35 so hurry, hurry -- stretch sweater neckhole down around hips rather than up over head, remembering only then that said technique ensures said v-neck will remain stretched in Karin-waist-shape forevermore ..... check.

4) Remember to brush my teeth, find the correct heels, and actually go to work .... check.

Thank God.

Despite such chaos, I'm going to suggest that so far (coming on late afternoon) I have not entertained 1 angst-ridden thought today. And this coming shortly after last night on OKC ... in which a stranger, not 30 seconds into our chat, began employing all known rhetorical powers to lure me to his hotel room for assorted nefariousness at 12:15 a.m. .... and while never seriously considering it, I actually thought that his suggestions had a certain appeal.

(Sorry, mom.)

Wow. Desire on the basest level .... it's still there, somewhere. Hallelujah.

You might recall my recent, spectacular crash with Saturday Date Meltdown Man, an event that put me in a sort of neutered limbo: wanting very much to be interested in dating but unable to make myself interested. Which is an inherently depressing place to be. You might also recall the number of times in the past 3 weeks I've written about said place ... inherently depressing stuff to read.

Not sure what triggered last night's jolt back to normalcy. Although I suspect it was partly driven by recognition (also triggered by what? who knows) that I'd been in neutered limbo for much longer, perhaps for the better part of this summer, in my sort-of relationship with SDM Man. We had good dates every couple weeks. Although I can see now that in between the dates, I didn't know where we stood and was afraid that if I asked him the good dates would stop .... kind of OK with the lack of commitment, kind of getting more attached than I planned and then mad about the lack of commitment, kind of torturing myself for spending time in a sort-of place rather than a definite place. In the meantime, I abandoned other potential channels ... let other OKC conversation threads die off, for example, no room for anyone else when my emotions were too splintered between what I really wanted from SDM Man and frustration over what I was accepting.

None of this is SDM Man's fault, despite our rotten end. He was just being him, which was only sort-of being with me, and I let him be, sort-of.

Ah. Perhaps it is this rare clarity that fuels good feeling.

C-1 wrote me today to figure out what movie we'll see tomorrow night, and when. I replied to let him know that I would probably skip yoga so we could do an early show, and that we should find a cocktail on either side of that. He thusly replied: "Cocktails, most definitely. Let me find shows / times, and I'll get back to you."

I find myself genuinely excited at the thought.

I'm also genuinely psyched to find C-2 in Davis Square, as a date or not, later this evening.

(With props to Handel this time, can I get another Hallelujah, Amen?)

However, I'll hold off on the random hotel trysts ... for now.