The next move is definitely to move on, regardless; I like Julie's comment about "who's next in the line-up?". But I'm still working on sorting the jumble of brain activity before proceeding.
1) Match.com
Today I scrolled through the list of guys who viewed my profile. To the bottom of page one and nothing inspires, so I stop.
Somedays I want to flirt with everyone. Somedays it seems the lamest possible approach to life. No one seems viable.
Drowing in a vat of cynicism today. I'll visit again tomorrow.
2) Songs That Make You Go "Why?"
From WERS a few moments ago....The Cure "Friday, I'm in Love."
Why can't I be in love on Wednesday? Why does the day have to be grey, break my heart, give me a heart attack, and make me want to stay in bed? And why does Thursday have to be a watch-the-walls day when Wednesday was already so rotten?
Do I really have to wait until the end of a given week to move on?
Maybe that explains my cynicism.
3) W-folk and their ideas:
Shout-out, definitely, to all Republican acquaintances who held their tongues rather than use them to lash me for the Bush-bashing tirade of Monday.
After a few additional days of mulling, I wonder if I put too much energy into drawing out S-UC's political views. That I condemned him before I even knew how strongly he felt and just wanted to make him prove it. Or did I? One could argue that it is a valid topic of conversation in an election year. Or that I know political affiliation I respect is an important criteria for someone I would date.
Last night I enjoyed some tasty, expensive Harpoon UFO with my gang of church FwaBs who, incidentally, are uniformly politically conservative. (Shout-out to them, too, for being willing to dissect my dating life in a Mexican restaurant.) Discussion came around to a mutual acquaintance--well-known for a Cheney-style bombast that, at one time or another, had drowned us all. We agreed his vehemence comes into fullest flower with those whom he knows will least want to hear what he has to say.
This reminds me that I also can pour forth, often vociferously, on my own views, and already had done so by the time Date #2B rolled up with S-UC. Perhaps if I had worn my political stripes a little less boldy, perhaps he would have chilled.
Oh well. His bad.
4) Too nice? Probably not.
Some of the regret I'm feeling over Saturday has to do with the conjecture that....I might have been too nice? At 10 p.m. I thought "I'd rather be home in the bathtub than talking with this man". Then I said I'd go to another bar with this man. Mostly because he had just paid for my dinner, and it seemed mean to cop-out because of our political differences.
It is obvious now I was doing the proverbial slow-rip of bandage. Last night, I was describing to FwaB Mitch the moment S-UC made his move: we were sitting on adjoining bar stools when he reached for my hand to give it a suggestive stroke. In return I gave him the look that said "don't you dare." In fact, I winced, too.
"Ouch," Mitch said. "That sucks."
Suggesting that waiting until the brink of physical contact to pull away, when I had known for some hours I didn't want him to touch me, is mean. No matter the sex. No matter the perceived injustice he had perpetrated earlier.
I feel bad about that.
Because I have been there too... on the other side.
5) Quote of the Day:
Thanks MD, for reminding me.
"I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted! Where IS he?"
--Charlotte, Sex And the City (Season 3, Episode 1)
Why can't I be in love on Wednesday? Why does the day have to be grey, break my heart, give me a heart attack, and make me want to stay in bed? And why does Thursday have to be a watch-the-walls day when Wednesday was already so rotten?
Do I really have to wait until the end of a given week to move on?
Maybe that explains my cynicism.
3) W-folk and their ideas:
Shout-out, definitely, to all Republican acquaintances who held their tongues rather than use them to lash me for the Bush-bashing tirade of Monday.
After a few additional days of mulling, I wonder if I put too much energy into drawing out S-UC's political views. That I condemned him before I even knew how strongly he felt and just wanted to make him prove it. Or did I? One could argue that it is a valid topic of conversation in an election year. Or that I know political affiliation I respect is an important criteria for someone I would date.
Last night I enjoyed some tasty, expensive Harpoon UFO with my gang of church FwaBs who, incidentally, are uniformly politically conservative. (Shout-out to them, too, for being willing to dissect my dating life in a Mexican restaurant.) Discussion came around to a mutual acquaintance--well-known for a Cheney-style bombast that, at one time or another, had drowned us all. We agreed his vehemence comes into fullest flower with those whom he knows will least want to hear what he has to say.This reminds me that I also can pour forth, often vociferously, on my own views, and already had done so by the time Date #2B rolled up with S-UC. Perhaps if I had worn my political stripes a little less boldy, perhaps he would have chilled.
Oh well. His bad.
4) Too nice? Probably not.
Some of the regret I'm feeling over Saturday has to do with the conjecture that....I might have been too nice? At 10 p.m. I thought "I'd rather be home in the bathtub than talking with this man". Then I said I'd go to another bar with this man. Mostly because he had just paid for my dinner, and it seemed mean to cop-out because of our political differences.
It is obvious now I was doing the proverbial slow-rip of bandage. Last night, I was describing to FwaB Mitch the moment S-UC made his move: we were sitting on adjoining bar stools when he reached for my hand to give it a suggestive stroke. In return I gave him the look that said "don't you dare." In fact, I winced, too."Ouch," Mitch said. "That sucks."
Suggesting that waiting until the brink of physical contact to pull away, when I had known for some hours I didn't want him to touch me, is mean. No matter the sex. No matter the perceived injustice he had perpetrated earlier.
I feel bad about that.
Because I have been there too... on the other side.
5) Quote of the Day:Thanks MD, for reminding me.
"I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted! Where IS he?"
--Charlotte, Sex And the City (Season 3, Episode 1)
3 comments:
Karin, it occurred to me recently that our shared set of grandparents were of totally opposite political affiliations. My mom has mentioned screaming fights where they threw things at each other while disagreeing about whether Nixon or Kennedy should be president.
In retrospect, Nixon is a better bet than GWB, but they definitely managed to make it work in spite of very different political viewpoints.
We should all be so lucky to have such good spouses (spice?), but they met in high school in a very different world. So I'm NOT saying you should only stick with people who are exactly like you, but just pointing out one situation in our shared heritage where it did work with really different leanings. What they had was chemistry and respect.
It sounds like s-uc didn't have chemistry so much with you, though, or you'd have encouraged the hand gropage.
:)
Hey Karin...
I think the politico-foreplay of dating is probably never a good idea. It's one of those things like religion that has so many shades of gray---there is not one person I know who shares the EXACT socio-political-spiritual ideaolofies as someone else. (Whether or not anyone is willing to confront that is another thing...)
Surely, I think it is entirely TOO important of a thing not to talk about, or become a basis of relationship foundation. Yet there is often such emotional ties, such emotional reactions to this issue--it might be better to broach those subjects when that "chemistry thing" is figured out.
All in all, there is no need TO think or re-think. No "other" way. The way you are is the way you are and when you are with the right person: the chemical reaction will have the desired outcome. : )JUSTIN
You both hit it so square-on......the chemistry has got to be there man, and if it is, you can somehow figure the rest of it out.
Mel, you also used the 'r' word. The last guy I dated more than once (other than S-UC), I could tell the minute he no longer had it because that was the moment I knew it had tanked. Not sure what I did to lose it (these things are never explained). Nonetheless.
I have many friends who disagree with me on social issues, but I respect why they have come to their respective opinions. I think that's why I couldn't reconcile with S-UC...I had zero respect for his opinions....it's a big thing. Might have to think about that one more.
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