Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Matching attitudes

Yesterday afternoon, I involved myself in a 3-hour instant messager session with a 26-y-old whose moniker is a graphic synonym for a man's genitals.   (His intials are HBI. You may do all further investigation and/or guesswork to figure out why. Good luck.)

It was not my original intention. It was during those idle moments that come at the end of any work day -- the tour of all personal websites -- and while on OKC, a window popped up:
HBI: Down to f***? I am.
Imagine a 2-minute gap.

Most days I ignore the crassness. And as you know, some days I engage it.
Karin: Not today. Sorry.
HBI: lol. Why you lyin?
K: Not. Sorry.
HBI: Is it because I'm vulgar?
K: Nope.
HBI: Then I should try back tomorrow?
K: Nope. I'm taking a break for a bit.
HBI: Alright, so it's not my game. Becuase I talk a good one. Clearly.
K: Well.I wouldn't quit your day job.
HBI: God, we would be bffls if you weren't so prude.
K: bffls?
HBI: Best Friends For Life
K: Hm. I was sure "f***ing" was a part of that. I'm surprised.
HBI: You were hoping.
K: Yes. You read my mind. Obviously you were holding out.
HBI: Occasionally I play hard to get.
K: Um. yeah.
HBI: We are a 49% match, and only 47% enemy. So...
K: only 47?
HBI: More of a match than enemy, so I don't see why you are acting like we aren't falling in love right now.
K: Falling? I've totally fell. 100%.
HBI: I'd be lyin if I said I had a hard time believing that.
Now we had moved towards the same page. I checked out his profile. Clearly written in a voice meant to convey sex-crazed stupidity. Clearly playing games for some other amusement. I called him on it.
HBI: Who wants to be fake, on a site like this? Not I.
K: Who, indeed.
HBI: I'm all about sincerity.
K: Evidently today you are Down to F***.
HBI: It's true.
K: As I would guess, based on your logic above.
HBI: Right, I just thought I would reiterate.
According to his profile, he used to be a grad student, which he elaborated on, telling me he was quitting to become a
K: Professional poker player?
HBI: Indeed. Too unorthodox for a good christian girl, like yourself.
K: Do you think I'm a spring chicken or what?
HBI: Late spring, early summer.
Smart ass.
HBI: You quoted my profile. Did you have more thoughts? Questions? I apologize for depriving you of the opportunity.
K: Well. You seem pretty witty. But your profile is kind of gross.
HBI: Yeah. It is. It used to be grosser. I mean, "more gross."
K: So why not just be witty in your profile. You could pull it off.
HBI: I don't feel like the majority are deserving.
K: The majority of who?
HBI: OKCUpid.... people. OKCupiders. OKCupidians
K: Wow. Do you meet a lot of stupid women?
HBI: That's what I generally aim for.
K: Hm. That's too bad.
HBI: Marionnettes....
K: Why did you aim for me?
HBI: Well, today is my day off. I was bored out of my mind, and you were online. I actually found your profile charming, but who has the time or energy for genuine effort?
K: Well, thanks for not lumping me in with the stupid girls. You put in the time or energy you feel like, I guess.
HBI: Well, when you rejected my initial effort, you threw down the gauntlet. I may be lazy, but I have my pride.
K: Hm. So what is the general response to your initial effort?
HBI: "Ditto"
K: No kidding.
HBI: haha, no. I have never actually tried that exact line before. But it was the funniest thing I could think of, spur of the moment.
Now.  On the same page.
K: Well, thanks for trying to be funny.
HBI: Not funny to you.
K: Earnestness on this site is overrated.
K: No. I'll take creative approaches to whatever more often than other things.
HBI: I have a hard time taking this site seriously. I mean, it's a place for sad lonely people. Neither of which would describe me.
The crux. It isn't me, either. But I wonder how many people look at my profile and think ..... 

HBI and I continued talking for another 2 hours. No-strings relationships. Previous SOs. Aspirations. What would a 37-year-old want on a date that a 26-year-old should know about. I've been in these chats before.....when the conversation flows so easily that the mechanics eventually start to show, because topics get brought up simply to keep the talking going.

Eventually he even started acting earnestly, a little. So did I.
K: OK. I do need to go. I, myself, am losing my lovable charm from sitting here so long.
HBI: Have fun now. If you want there to be a next time, you let me know.
K: Well, I enjoyed the chat.
HBI: ditto
K: Let's do it again. You know where to find me.
HBI: haha, I'll leave it up to you, unless it's really my job.
K: It is. If I have to educate you in the ways of the world, I will.
HBI: How traditional of you. I will try to think of a better opening line for next time. Be prepared.
K: I'm girding the loins already.
Who knows. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. Maybe I will, maybe I won't.

Kind of nice to find someone else, for at least an afternoon, who can match my cynicism and make it seem charming.

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