Death by blog

So I've encountered my first potential-date death-by-blog.

The Spy (nickname, mine) showed up for several weeks on the "who's viewed me" page of my match.com account. But our first communication was on Tuesday via my match blast to the finish, in which I wrote him because he was cute, Protestant, and hanging around.

Some things to know:

1) NDA is a "non-disclosure agreement."

2) My profile on match says this in the heading: "You too could be the next contestant...."

Followed by: "Writing a blog about my dating life...creative weigh-ins on this profile could gain you a featured moment. Or maybe just a shout back from me. "

- - - - -

To: The Spy
From: Karin
Date Sent: July 29
Subject: You must explain the hedges....

Hi there -I've seen you here now for awhile, have been meaning to write. Specific points about you that appeal: smile (great), outdoor-activity centered (great), the WSJ (ok, well, I do go with the politically-counterpointed Times, but....)

Although you know how these things go -- you're interesting to me....but how to break the ice? I noticed that you had two books in your recent reading that discussed "hedges." Are we talking about the financially-precarious ones of late, or the ones that need pruning? Inquiring minds choose to ask. Would love to hear from you if you've an answer.

Best, Karin

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From: The Spy
To: Karin
Date Received: July 29
Subject: Working hard ??

Thanks for the email. How's your week going? I hope I'm going to stay off your blog???

......I read the WSJ purely for the business news/views, not the editorials. Currently working in gov't I get enough on the politically end. Especially as I work for a foreign gov't. I would love to have hedges that need pruning, alas I don't, only hosta's on my balcony that need watering and the ocasional weed pulled out....

....and what exactly is your blog all about? Thanks for the compliments.

- - - - -

To: The Spy
From: Karin
Date Sent: July 29
Subject: Re: Working hard ??

My blog is about dating, and about my attempts at dating. I consider match.com pretty fair game. You only get run-through if you say something inordinatey tactless.....nice people get nice entries. (and, usually, nicknames....!)

Truthfully, my education is in journalism and creative writing but it has been many years (6 since grad school) that I wrote on a regular basis. Since then a lot of my free time has been spent running.....but I've had foot issues since the marathon this spring and have had to re-focus....and the writing the blog is a part of that. It achieves the purpose of a) forcing me to write, period; and b) forcing me to keep up with the dating (i.e., if I write about doing something I then have a readership I'm accountable to...) ..........

....Although I'm interested in this "foreign govt." bit. A spy, perhaps? Which at this juncture has to be more lucrative than finance....

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From: The Spy
To: Karin
Date Received: July 31
Subject: No blog

..... .Match is not fair game. I control what I do on match, not others. I don't think I can have my personal business reported to world via someones blog - So you going to sign my no-blog NDA so we can continue speaking ?? Your kinda cute and I would hate to not be able to proceed.

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To: The Spy
From: Karin
Date Sent: July 31
Subject: Compromise?

So I had to think about what you're asking....because I did put it straight out there that I AM blogging about my dating life. That is part of me and my life. And that I'm a tactful person who keeps others' identities anonymous. Nonetheless, you're the first person to express qualms, which I can respect.

So I will sign the NDA if you agree: I can write that I have encountered someone who expresses qualms, and therefore while I might be talking to said someone, I will be talking offline. And that's as much as I will say.

- - - - -

From: The Spy
To: Karin
Date received: July 31
Subject: so....

It's my way or the high way............

Was pretty clear on my participation or not - your choice...

- - - - -

To: The Spy
From: Karin
Date Sent: August 1
Subject: Re: so....

That's pretty inflexible on a pretty small issue. Which is hardly attractive to me.

Good luck.

- - - - -

So this incident has given me several things to think about.

First: "kinda cute"?

Second: "my way or the high way"?

(Technically, "highway." As in "road"....not the "higher way." He's not an English major... or someone who proofreads his clichés.)

I assume there are multiple reasons he doesn't want his personal life spilled on my blog, and since not everyone is as share-happy as me, it's understandable. I respect that. And I'd also suggest that my compromise proposed keeping his privacy....while not forcing me to rescind an integral part of my personality.....or make me feel I was doing something dirty by blogging.

Nonetheless.

I wonder how wonderful, exactly, he thinks he is. That someone I've known for five e-mails and says I'm "kinda cute" would demand I give up something important just to talk to him. His choice in the first place to answer a girl who says "you too could be the next contestant." As I wrote to my FwaB Bill in an e-mail this morning:

"It's less about the blogging and more that if that is his modus operandi, well shit. He's an ass."

Or in other words, if he gets this wound up and stubborn about my writing, how would he react to a truly serious issue?

There's incongruity here. The Spy's match moniker incorporates the word "fun".... for someone with little apparent sense of humor. And his unwillingness to compromise about my blogging caused me to, resultingly, blog about him.

It's brutal out there!