Thursday, March 24, 2011

Foggy glasses, perhaps?

Today's "Love Letters" LW

the Man With Dating Fatigue ....
"I've got a serious inertia problem. On the one hand I'd really like to be in a relationship, and I'm ready to have the fun and do the "work" of a relationship. But it just takes too much effort to get to that point. For one, dating is expensive, even doing it cheaply .... But mostly, I have the same date over and over again. Here's how it goes, more or less:

[Grabbing drinks, grabbing dinner, catching a movie, going to Quirky Artsy Thing, or doing Quirky Sport/Game Thing.] This weather is crazy! It's Snowmageddon! Compliment. Compliment. What do you do? Descriptions of what you are both passionate about and your shared values. Discussion relative to various tv shows, music, movies, or other pop/sub-pop phenomenon. Recall childhood cartoons/memory ...."
He ends it asking if he's being "a drag."

(Could this man be my Soulmate In Crime?)

Says Meredith, the moderator:
"I get it ... Dating can be annoying, especially when you've been doing it for a while. Your complaints are fair, by the way. Dating is expensive and can be seriously repetitive. (Snowmageddon, indeed.) And that's why you can only do it if you're psyched about it. Taking a break will give you some clarity to see beyond the small talk. Right now, your dating glasses are all foggy."
Says one of the unsilly of the 1006 mostly silly posted comments (a _thousand_ comments? strike a nerve with anyone, dude?):
"You're right: dating gets stale when you're doing the "one, two, three strikes you're out" and on to the next one. How often do you have to describe your passion for _____(fill in the blank). It does get old." 
And another:
"It sounds to me like you're not sick of "the process" of dating, but tired of meeting new people in general. I feel ya, it's EXHAUSTING. Any time I have to meet new people without my wife as a safety net, I need a nap immediately afterward. Meredith is right, just go hang out with people and enjoy life for a while. You need to get your mind right, because right now even if you meet the right person you might come off as so annoyed/bored/exhausted that they won't want anything to do with you."
And my favorite:
"Sorry, I can't muster up much sympathy for this guy or anyone tired of 'dating'. I've been on about 5 dates in the past 8 years. I'm tired of not dating."
I'm way simpatico to this "foggy glasses" concept to describe wanting something but not wanting to get up the energy required to figure out how to get it. The exhaustion of feeling the need to make yourself meet new people (Great Cosmo Challenge, anyone?)in order to have a wider pool to choose from. Fear that you are looking like "that girl" who is transparently trying new friendly! things with the goal of meeting new people ... and therefore looking .... lame?

Who knows. Maybe I should just e-mail the guy with no sympathy? He looks available.


k. mead said...

email him - as a "lets get drinks and commiserate" and I bet it turns into more! dont set it up as a date.

klk said...

I agree with k. mead. It's time to commiserate and skip the date. ;-)

Karin said...


Keep in mind that the guy's picture next to his comment is Kobe Bryant's body with his head superimposed on top. Which makes me a bit nervous.