Basic algebra

First, let's say you sleep on the same side of the bed every night.

Then, let's say you have a cat who likes to sleep on the same side of you every night.

(Do also factor in habit of said cat to never jump on bed directly from floor; he must jump onto nightstand before climbing past your face to settle his massive rear end against your hip.)

Then, add the first really cold night of the season, a night where you might choose to light a votive candle in the candleholder on the nightstand next to your face because it cozies up the place.

Knowing this, please calculate the odds that when you climb into bed, said cat will jump on the nightstand and catch on fire before leaping onto the bed, causing a brief vision of a charred bed and cat skeletons and the phone call the police will make to your parents in Minnesota, informing them that their daughter made it to 36 without knowing how to put 1 and 1 together.

Oy. Oy, indeed.