In this weird groove lately
(so disagreeable in this solstice).
Wouldn't call it a crisis, or depression
or even unhappiness.
Might call it unmotivation
(yes, a made-up word).
It's how thoroughly I don't care
if I actually do the things I've set myself up to do.
It's about everything, just about,
starting with getting out of bed in the morning.
Followed by blogging, then running,
then taking care of a sore throat
as to not lose my voice again
(which I did, anyway),
then working, then choring,
then socializing, then paying bills,
then going to bed at night.
These all seem difficult, somehow,
(these things that are good for me).
These are not difficult.
My life is not difficult.
Maybe it's this fun with (lack of) sleep thing?
But, I'm attending at class at the MGH Benson-Henry Institute
to try something called "mind-body" meditation
so I can go to sleep better at night
and stop finding simple things difficult.
(Turn off the brain.
Calm the thoughts.
Find the focus.
Find the positive.)
Class started last Wednesday,
meets again this Wednesday.
Haven't yet done any of the homework,
and I feel unconcerned about this,
but don't like me for it.
Which is the dichotomy keeping me up tonight:
nonchalance and guilt and how they
And no, it isn't lost on me
that I'm focusing on this dichotomy
instead of taking care of what's causing it
and I know it.
Which goes back to why
this groove is weirder than I enjoy.