Template

Yesterday afternoon I got a hit in my OKC inbox and, for a moment, thought, "aw shucks....."

Ok here goes nothing:

So - first things first - I realize I don't have a picture up on my profile. I assure you I'm not a leper or some troll (quite the contrary I'd like to believe - i used to model). Really, I never thought I'd be writing someone off of here, I normally just come on here and browse around to see what's out there.

But your profile really caught me off guard; you're incredibly sexy, and seem smart, down to earth and fun to be around. I'm also from LA.

Me - I'm 6'1, black hair short hair, tall dark and handsome to be confident and concise. I'm well educated and successful.

Here comes the brutally honest part - I'm here in Boston getting my MBA and between that and the business I run back home, I don't really have much time to date. So (and I really have no intention of offending you, just want to be brutally honest), would you have any interest in getting together on a respectful but mostly physical level - like a one night stand or friends with benefits?

There, I said it (I told myself I'd regret it if I didn't at least try).

Eagerly awaiting your response,

A hot young MBAer bowled over by me....?

About a moment later I thought: a form letter. Probably because he said, "I don't have a profile picture," when in fact he did: a naked torso reflected in a bathroom mirror.

I've seen enough naked torsos on this site. They can not be trusted. A man who uses his chest to woo women is either lying, faking, or being unrealistically self-deprecating (i.e., not to be trusted).

There's the lack of specificity. ("You seem fun.") That he's "from LA" and "doesn't have time for a girlfriend," which automatically excuses him from having to ask any personal questions.

Then the use of "down to earth." That's just disingenuous. Someone from the west coast looking for a local sex partner does not want a down to earth girl. He wants an eager experimenter who will meet him in the corner booth of a bar having forgotten her panties.

Hackles raised, I ran my suspicions by my official, seasoned online-dating smell-tester: Young Scientist. He answered as I expected, with confirmation and plan of action:

"Haha completely a form letter! i get more pissed off getting form letters than not getting anything. But email him back asking for a pic. Don't say anything else. Actually when I got a form letter last time I wrote back the equivalent of "What did you think makes it seem like I would be fun to be around?" or calling her out on what she said. She wrote back something completely lame i didn't respond. So totally say "how about a pic, stud muffin, and what did you think made me fun to be around?"

Perhaps excepting the "stud muffin" moniker, I might do just that. Or might not ... because to answer Form Letter Man would be to affirm his approach.

To be clear: it is not a badly-written plea. Reading it again this morning, I confess that on some level it smacks of, simply, a businesslike approach. I've been around a lot of business dudes after 5 years in finance; if indeed the writer is who he claims to be, it's possible he's just efficient, resourceful and clinical -- not confident enough in his creative writing skills to use anything but a template, and sending in bulk to increase his odds.

But as the recipient: to be lumped into what was probably a search-engine troll of "Boston, MA, single, sexy" is, despite what one might think, rather dispiriting.

Perhaps that is how I'll reply.