.... about how within a 5-day range of any major holiday, men from my past who have either a) ditched me b) ignored me or c) just generally been dismissive and uninspired and, therefore unworthy of my time, must insist upon pinging me as if we're best buds.
Ugh. The Holiday Booty Call. Or Call-o-Regret. Or I Have Nothing Better To Do So I'm Trolling For a Past Lover, Any Past Lover, to See if She is Available.
So not attractive.
Take Not Available Man, who always represented himself as Available but never proved to be). Who I never wrote about, because it was probably not public knowledge that he called himself Available. Who ditched at the last hour more times (3) in 2 years than he actually came through ... most recently in June of this year, without remorse or explanation. After which I told him to go (expletive) himself and deleted his contact info from all portals. He evidently did not delete mine. Last week he IM'd on Gmail twice. "Hi!", both times at 1 a.m.
As if I had not told him to go (expletive) himself. Did not acknowledge.
Then, take Coffee, Beer Big Hands Man. From Oakland CA, with family in Mass; our one face-to-face encounter in October 2009 ended with him leaving my apartment, red-faced. Who ever since, pops up on OKC every 3 months, as if it periodically occurs to him a cross-country conversation would be the cure to both our ills. Three months ago he wrote in the same fashion, and I cut the cord, suggesting I was weary of his no-effort approach: he either had to be interested in me and do something about it or go away. He apologized, but then didn't write again, so I thought he went away.
Until this weekend, when he wrote to say he was in Boston over the holidays and wanted to know if I wanted to get a drink. Did not acknowledge.
Amazingly, last night, Canoe Enthusiast joined the procession. Without any pretense. Just the message: "Want to get together?" As if, because we slept together in February 2008 and he ditched me in clueless forgetfulness on 2 successive dates in March, I might want to get together in December 2011.
While I was in mid-deletion of said request he, still online, pinged with an instant message, "Hello!" After which, when I didn't reply immediately, followed with "Hello?"
What the hell? Yuck.
Finally, as if he knew I was going to write this and wanted to provide a finale as the King of Such Behavior, in comes the 1:35 a.m. text from C-2: "Yo!"
I knew he wanted me to be my old spontaneous self, meet him for last call, get drunk fast, see what transpired on Kingston Street. As if he had been in any meaningful contact since June, other than several times to suggest that if I volunteered for one of his local campaigns, it might afford me the opportunity to see him. But that otherwise he was too busy. As if he even deserved to still have my number in his phone.
Awake, but pretending to be asleep, I did not acknowledge.
But I gave in this morning at 10, because he is C-2, and I do this for him.
Replying: "Are you in town?"Next time, I swear:
To which he said: "I was. Was at Foley's, but on road back now. :( "
To which I said: "Thanks for the ample heads-up, as always."
To which he said: "Sorry. I tried."
To which I wanted to say: "Really, no, you never really did, your apology is hollow, and I think I'm safe without ever wanting to see you again. Which makes me sad after all the things I liked about our friendship before you started treating me exclusively like your Boston booty call but, thanks anyway."
Will not acknowledge. At all.