Had to stay late at the gym tonight -- extra yoga, extra cardio -- because work today ran late, because it became one of those days that makes me not want to go in tomorrow.
FYI - needed the extra exercise to forcibly chill out.
I think about how I have these new found powers of relaxation ... calm ... the power to control my own actions and thoughts in a positive way. And then comes yet another market crash of a day, on top of an already bad market week. To compound: my portfolio-manager boss is mid-vacation, and though he's dialing in non-stop from the Cape (in what I see as a noble, with young daughters and the beach in August), I'm still on the front line to field calls from the people -- our shared clients -- in panic over an irrational panic.
So here I sit, again in Copley, this time on the steps of the library, trying to stay focused on controlling what I can control ... and I can't control another human's choice to panic.
This afternoon at 3:30, as the market kept ticking downward and I kept ticking down every minute to the closing bell, I kept thinking ..... oh, for another bad day to just be over. To hand a deep breath and a pleasant, self-serving memory to every investor dumping a portfolio at the worst possible moment over things he, too, can't control. To send those investors into 5 minutes of the Relaxation Response! To make every cable news anchor close her eyes and envision climbing to the top of a mountain to find wisdom ... instead of provoking her listeners to go up there with her and jump off the cliff.
But of course, right, I can only control myself and my own calm.
Can only force myself to get up tomorrow morning, go in to my desk with strong coffee, deep breathe, and not let the bile rise at every phone ring. Make my clients feel as watched-over as my manager and I can manage. I mean, if we've been trusted by them for, say, the last 5 years, why not make them keep trusting us now? For 5 years I've worked hard to build this trust .... an investment I myself should learn to trust.
-- Monday, August 8 (9:42-10:02 p.m.)
Boston Public Library, Copley Square