Someday, dear reader, please insist you are tired of hearing about various random IM chats I get into on OKC.
Until then ....
There's a small chance that a chat might turn into something. But I hold no hope. My willingness to get into most chats arises from a combination of boredom, curiosity and a smidgen of chutzpah. Most guys with whom I chat feel the same, driven also by the desire, no matter how futile and random, to get sex out of it. Which in turn drives my curiosity and chutzpah to participate in their efforts to get sex, no matter how futile and random.
It's a game, really. I don't want to play it forever. But when in my current middle ground of no serious prospects and no chance of a serious prospect until at least after this weekend, when I exhale from musical commitments, it's a distraction during a late supper eaten alone.
The hours of 10 p.m. to 1 a.m. seem to be the most highly-populated trolling hour, and last night didn't disappoint. I got requests from an Irish Bostonian, a burly man in central Ohio, and a gentleman from San Francisco whom I chatted with last weekend and like, but haven't decided how to handle yet.. All 3 that I didn't follow through on because I was in the midst of 2 others -- the first a 22-y-old musician who had messaged me earlier in the day:
"Kissable and Fiesty? i hope you like younger guys. Hi there how are you doing? I looked your profile you seem like a very cool girl and if you dont mind me saying so you are also very beautiful xoxo =) So far from what I've read we seem to have a quite bit in common. I hope you like what you read about me in my profile Im told Im a very sweet and passionate guy I hope that wins me some points hehe. Anyway I was juat wondering if you would like to chat? I hope my words have at least made you smile and I also hope to hear from you soon if you like what you hear I am all yours xoxo"
As soon as I logged on last night at 11, there he was. As always, when someone who could conceivably be my son wants to flirt, I delve for motive. Trying to, perhaps, educate him on what he would be getting into.
22-y-old: How are you my dear?
Karin: Late dinner. Slow wireless.
22: that sux. so u get my message to you?
K: Yes. Curious. There's quite an age gap here.
22: i know but honestly I am mature for my age and very respectful
K: Oh, I don't doubt it. What is appealing to you about an older woman?
22: well olderwomen seem to really know what they want and know what pleases them and im not just speaking in a sexual way any time I've ever been asked out by a woman she has always been at least a little older lol I guess its some kind of pattern
K: interesting.
22: do you like younger guys?
K: Well, I do. But it isn't always ideal, actually.
22: how so?
K: It's kind of fun, but can be difficult to find common ground.
22: how do you mean?
K: A man who is 22 is at a totally different place in his life.
22: very true but that doesnt mean we couldn't have fun
K: True, of course. What is fun, as you suggest it?
22: well you tell me. what do yu imagine us doing for fun?
That actually took a lot longer to get to the sex reveal than I expected. I was not inspired to go further but, surprisingly, could not figure out how to say that. I also could have just logged off, but that felt mean.
K: Well, there are possibilities. I have to confess I'm not quite in the mood to discuss it tonight.
22: well can you give me an idea?
K: No, actually I'm on my last legs and falling asleep. We'll have to chat later.
22: oh of course I didnt know Im sorry
K: Cool. Later, then.
22: sweet dreams. just nice there is hope xoxo
I didn't really mean to give him hope, which means I'll just have to deflate it later. Bad Karin.
Meanwhile, I had already responded to a request from a 40-something with a fantastic smile. Definitely more promising:
Nice Smile: happy wednesday... at least for a little while. What are you up to?
Karin: Eating a late supper. Working on some cereal from the box right now... Yourself?
NS: similar... I'm on to oatmeal with cranberries
NS: and scotch... woo!
K: Excellent.
NS: agree... I'm in that lovely transition phase
K: Is the scotch a necessity or an indulgence?
NS: certainly an indulgence. one bottle lasts months around here
Ah. A conversation more my style. At least a modicum of banter.
K: I'm sure oatmeal goes faster, yes.
NS: ha! you are so right. how did you spend your day?
K: Well, I dropped my parents off -- here for a long weekend - at the airport.
K: Then very busy at work. Then the gym. & voila.
NS: sounds like quite a day. how was the long weekend with the parents?
K: .... visiting for the first time in 4 years. So generally, it was fun.
This went on for a bit. I asked him what he does; he's busy with job, etc. Inspired to check out his profile for more details, I discovered the following.
K: Hmm. Interesting that you're married. What's the scoop on that?
NS: married for many years. long and sordid story...
(substantial pause)
K: They usually are.
NS: we have both started sort of openly dating recently
NS: which has been interesting to say the least
(more substantial pause)
K: I would guess.
NS: yea... I have saved you the part how we get from point a to point b
So, finished as a date prospect, obviously. But, still a curiosity. This man has chutzpah of his own. Delve.
K: Have you gone out much?
NS: I have met some very interesting women
K: Mostly through here?
NS: here... starbucks... the supermarket
K: must live in a promising neighborhood to meet folks at Whole Foods, etc. That's challenging...
NS: I have some interesting Whole Foods stories
K: Naturally.
NS: exactly!
K: Interesting concept, this dating while married. How's it working out for you?
NS: well, it is challenging. I seem to handle her dates better than she handles mine
K: Women do take these things harder, yes. That seems perhaps a general gender trait.
NS: that could be
K: I suppose neither of you bring dates back to the house, eh...?
NS: never
K: Hmm. You must get asked these questions a lot.
NS: I do, in differing tones
NS: some are curious (like you). many judgemental.
NS: some like that I am married
K: Well, it is something that differentiates you from the crowd...
NS: interesting... I never thought of it that way
K: Depends on if that way is advantageous or otherwise, I guess.
NS: I do not work from a plan
K: Of course. Does this, then, become your main topic of conversations or, generally, do the women get past it and go on?
NS: no. I would get bored
K: Naturally.
NS: If I have a connection with someone, then we chat about everything
K: As the woman, I wouldn't want to linger, either.
NS: there you go
NS: you obviously have a lot going on. there is a lot to explore in your life
K: Sometimes, yes.
NS: well, yes. but you seem open to experiences
Ah. The moment where I had to decide if I was going to be open to this experience.
I begged off, at least for that moment. We might connect again; I liked our energy. But it seems not worth the energy. Mostly, my brain is too tired to find out more. Minutely, because of the frustration, again, of wanting to encounter a man I like talking to who a) comes without debilitating baggage; b) lives in my age range; c) is not exclusively looking to get off; d) who employs punctuation in e-mails; and e) not married.
When I come down off the musical high after this weekend, even though I know OKC is not the ideal forum to find any of these things, I'll rewrite my profile to include these parameters. See what happens. Maybe get some chats worth staying up late for.
